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We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed. She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type. For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man. I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?
 

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Do the 180 and file for divorce.

Find a woman that's wants you inches from her, not 100 feet.

Begging her to change won't work. Let her live fairytale life. Believe me, she'll find out later what she lost.

And I could assure you if she says nothing physical is going on with her "sole mate", they already have been physical.

No more emails or texting.
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I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
 

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We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed.
She's cheating on you. The medical field with the long hours and close quarters, well-to-do doctors surrounded by female nurses is rife with cheating. How's the sex life? I'm guessing non-existent. She's all set though cause she's getting it elsewhere.

She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type
Cheater self rationalization... She has to reconcile in her mind why it's okay to screw another guy because she knows its wrong. So she "makes" it okay with excuses like this.

For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man.
She's repulsed by you because her new man consumes her thoughts. Plus, you around you physically or through text reminds her what an awful person she is for being a cheater. It disrupts her fantasy which is all she cares about now.

I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?
It MAY be repairable, if you even want to. However, until there is unsolicited remorse on her end it's a moot point. Understand also, she started acting cold like this AFTER she started fvcking the guy. And this has DEFINITELY gone physical, don't be such a fool. You CAN NOT nice her back. Do the 180, file for divorce, go no contact. SHE CHEATED ON YOU, DON'T CHASE AFTER HER. Have some self respect. She may or may not snap out of it but you can't compete with a fantasy. I know it's counterintuitive but you start demonstrating worth in her eyes by telling her to, "go fvck herself". She practically gave you the blueprint. BE A MAN. Don't take anyone's bullsh!t including hers.
 

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We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed. She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type. For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man. I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?
*cough* BULLSH*T
 

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I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
God does not like to see marriages ended. Using God as a tool as a means to an end is crazy.

Have her served. Request full custody of kids. Expose her affair.
 

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I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
Last I heard god said don't be coveting neighbor's wives. Apparently, she thinks god made an exception for her. News flash OP, your wife's not an INFJ she's just another selfish POS.

She has NO RESPECT for you. She thinks you're a needy spineless doormat. You've been trying to "win" her back for the last two months. She should be trying to win YOU back.

Step one. Get your mind right. Google "the 180". Read "Married man sex life primer" and "No more Mr. Nice guy"... Do the OPPOSITE of what your heart says. You want to text her? DON'T... You want to beg her to work things out? SHUT UP... You want to save this marriage? FILE FOR DIVORCE

Step two. Get your physical right. Stop the worthless cardio running nonsense. Hit the gym 3-4 times a week HARD lifting heavy weights. Groom yourself and dress nice even indoors. Start getting out of the house A LOT. Chat up random woman, draw interest from those around you. Get your swagger back.

Any of this sound familiar OP: Leave early for work or comes home late, out late at night with the girls, doesn't answer phone, new sexy underwear, shaving her junk frequently, no sexual interest in you, showers when she gets home, weird white stains in the laundry, defensive about her whereabouts, glued to her phone.

8 months and all you think they did was talk? Wise up bro.
 

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Why would you want someone who basically acts like you are less than she is and has already went shopping for a new husband? She sounds selfish and entitled and without a shred of godliness, compassion or integrity. 180 and divorce. Work on you and find a woman with real morals and values.
 
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