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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ex and I decided to divorce 15 months ago and my emotions have been all over the place. We were separated by location for 2 years before that, but the last 15 months have been CRAZY!! I thought that I was ready to date because of the long separation prior to our decision, but I wasn't.

I have decided to work on myself before I can commit to someone else, what a great feeling to put yourself first. I haven't done that in a long time. The catalyst was having someone just be amazingly cruel to me today, she pointed out all of my flaws (which I am well aware of and have never denied, I am overweight and I have dated too soon, etc...) but what her cruelty did to me was make me realize that I am a good person. I wasn't cruel back, I said nothing. I had some really good comebacks in my head too, and I wanted to point out that her rant had many errors in it, but instead I saw her insecurities and need to hurt me as just that. I do owe her a HUGE thank you though because she helped me to see that my good traits far outweigh (haha) my flaws. I am more ready than ever before to welcome the present and the future. My future looks very bright.

Wish me luck and good wishes that I stay on the me track.
 

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we all have flaws and it really does matter how we are inside, what is the point of a physically beautiful person, if they're dire on the inside.

As for the dating to soon, **** we all make mistakes, i'm great at them, mistakes that is.

And no one has the right to be judgemental over you ever.
 

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we all have flaws and it really does matter how we are inside, what is the point of a physically beautiful person, if they're dire on the inside.

As for the dating to soon, **** we all make mistakes, i'm great at them, mistakes that is.

And no one has the right to be judgemental over you ever.
Agree 100%! Nobody is perfect..that's what Photoshop is for!!
Mistakes=experience, whithout mistakes a good portion of us wouldn't exist!!
Only God can judge. And I will bet: you know where you stand with Him?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much for the kind words. I do know where I stand with Him. We do all have flaws and I do think it is important to be aware of them and work on them, I just don't think it should ever be thrown in your face :)
 

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It is always a good thing to work on one's self after a relationship ends. I took several years after my divorce to do a "relationship autopsy". Sometimes it is hard to be self-critical but it IS necessary. If I had not taken the time to heal from the wounds of my divorce, I don't think I would now be in such a happy and loving relationship now.

Nobody has the right to judge you. But I have found in life that most people do not come unhinged without some provocation. When things like this happen, one should reflect on what part they had in the situation. You cannot change other people, you can only change yourself. If the person who did this is just “crazy”, then the best you can do is distance yourself from them.

Reading some of your other posts, you say you have made some bad choices and have some regrets:

Some of the damage from childhood surfaced and I felt so beyond betrayed that I behaved very poorly. I contacted his girlfriend and told her, then my pain caused me to continue to make bad choices. I knew then and now that what I was doing was wrong, but I felt so betrayed that I momentarily snapped. (There was and is more to it, but I don't feel like getting into those 2 reasons right now, I am trying to figure it out)

Absolutely, the common denominator is me!! I would never blame someone else for my actions. There was no gun to my head, I made my own choices, just like now...I have made the choice to make serious movement towards healing. (I don’t know how to do the “quote” thing, sorry)

I do not know if this has anything to do with your current situation, but as other people have recommended, perhaps you need some time to figure out your part in the demise of your relationship. Yes, you should look at what your ex did, so you know the signs to look for in the future. But the more important thing here (the important thing, being YOU) need to work on fixing your part in all of this.

Only time, space and introspection will allow you to become the person you need to be to have a happy and healthy relationship. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
Actually, my ex and I just grew apart, there was never a fight, no big break up...just time and distance caused us to want more. We are actually becoming really good friends and after the crazy incident he was the first person I shared ALL the details with. He was very supportive and helped me to see that my part in the situation was simply a victim in someone elses game. He knows me better than I know myself so it helps. I have made mistakes, who hasnt, the good thing is that I can admit mine...some people cant. My current issues have absolutely nothing to do with my ex, just my need to figure out myself. The woman that went off on me is going through a very difficult situation and isnt yet ready to see any flaws in herself. I completely understand that, we have all been there.
 

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I understand the “growing apart” thing. That is kind of what happened with my second marriage. I would not say we are “friends” but we are very cordial because of our child. It is good that you have someone to talk to that you can be open and honest with. I don’t think I could ever discuss such things with me ex-husband. He is a good man and a good father, but I would be concerned that he might think I want to get back together with him if I started sharing personal stuff. (But, I left him and I know to this day, he still has feelings for me.)

I tend to believe that there are no victims in life. We all have some part in everything that happens to us. Yes, life is not always fair, but if you label yourself a victim, then that is what you become. You must take some ownership, life does not happen in a vacuum. I am pretty good at seeing “crazy” coming my way. That is when I “cross the street” and put distance between me and “crazy”. If the person that went off on you is going through “a very difficult situation”, it is good that you can see that. But I would implore you to not play victim here. Unless of course, all she did was call you “overweight”, that would just be childish. But, instead look at what was said and why. What part did you play in it? What can you do in the future to avoid such crazy people? Something you said or did must have triggered this response from her. That does not mean you did anything wrong. Human beings tend to be self- involved. We tend to see things only from our point of view. Part of growing and gaining some introspection is being able to see things from someone else's point of view.

You are correct, we have all been there! Just live your life in a manner that “crazy” does not find you. You cannot change other people, only yourself. When you see crazy coming, YOU have to change your direction, your actions, your side of the street.

I am glad you had your ex there to help you through this. A good friendship is the basis for a good relationship. Who knows where you good friendship may lead. Stranger things have happened…
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
You are absolutely correct about the victim statement, however there are times in life when you do not know that you are being a victim until it has already happened. That is what happened to me, I realize now that things that I did were not wrong as I previously thought and stated in earlier posts, I have removed myself from that situation and view the people in it with pity and sorrow. I did nothing wrong in this situation, I had no interaction with this woman at all, she simply is one of those people that likes to take no responsibility and blame others for her life. We all know the type...it is quite sad actually.

As for my ex, I love him, he loves me, we are better apart. We are fabulous parents and have the most amazing children that have such a great view on the world.
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I didn’t mean to come off as harsh. But I have dealt with crazy before. I can only speak from my experience and observations. Yes, it is true that sometimes we do not know we are being victimized until it is too late.

It is good to remove yourself from the situation. “Cross the street when you see crazy coming.” If you know in your heart that you did nothing wrong, then what more can you do? Since you did not have any interactions with this woman, then how sad for her to be so cruel to you. I had just assumed that you were referring to the girlfriend you contacted in your previous post.

Some people will never take ownership for the things they say or do. Perhaps she is bipolar or something. You said she was going through a very difficult situation. Maybe that is what caused her to lash out at you.

Since you were the victim in this situation, you should not let what she said bother you so much. From what you are saying, you did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel bad about. I would hope that someday she will realize the error of her ways.

I am very familiar with “the type”. They are quite “sad”. And yes, you will never understand why they do the things they do. But having pity for them is a start to being able to forgive their transgressions. This you have to do for yourself, not for them. I understand that words DO hurt, especially if one plays on your insecurities.

Good for you to have such a healthy relationship with your ex, I am sure your kids appreciate that you get along so well!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
That post was weeks or months ago, I have not contacted her since June and while it was wrong that I contacted her to let her know, I dont regret it. I would want to know if someone was cheating on me. I do feel bad for her though, every once in a while I get an email from her stating that I was wrong, they are still together and happy...lol. I do not reply to her. I have had the misfortune of having some crazy people in my life.

But the point of my original post was that crazy can stay crazy. I am moving on!!
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I am sorry, I just made an assumption since the post about the girlfriend was posted a little over a month ago. Yeah, I would want to know if someone was cheating on me!

I wouldn't feel bad for her, or them, let them be happy, lol!

Maybe they really are happy, who knows? Who cares?

When you are ready, the right man for you will come along!

You know what they say: "Crazy is as crazy does!"

Happy to hear that you are moving on! Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You know what they say about assuming...lol.

The crazy woman, lets call her Fynn, just needed to vent because her life is a mess right now and I was the closest easiest target. I accept that and have moved past it :) This thread has taken a strange turn....I think I made my point though.
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Yes, I guess it did get a bit off track, I thought it was the girlfriend going off on you. I suppose that happens when one assumes.


I hope your life starts to get better for you. To meet someone and fall in love, and find out they were seeing someone else is horrible. To start the healing process and then have someone else hurl unprovoked insults at you. Makes you wonder what makes people tick.

You seem like a good person, I am sure you will come out the other side of this stronger.

After all, you did say you owe the crazy lady a huge thank you. It did help you to see that your good traits "outweighed" your flaws. :D It is good that you can have a sense of humor about it.

"Let the healing commence!!!!!" And don't forget to stay on the "me" track!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 · (Edited)
Weird day!!! My ex called and asked if I wanted to meet him for a celebratory dinner with the children (youngest just won the second leg of the science olympics and is about to compete at the state level, middle one just made the elite portion of orchestra and the oldest just got some great grades at school as well as turning down a friend that offered him drugs!!! Yeah, we are great parents!!). Well dinner out was just what I needed (even if I knew he was going to have me pay because I just came into an inheritance...lol) after Fynn's attack and some other crazy things that were going on, so we met him. At dinner I showed him this thread and recapped the attack for him, he pointed out that she had attacked my parenting as well as attacking my physical appearance and that had us both feeling even more sorry for her since she is in no position to insult anyones parenting. I guess that she really was just angry about her life and taking it out on me. It really is sad when someone just wants other people to be as miserable as they are...

The point is that I am so appreciative for all the amazing friends that I have in my life, my ex included!!!
 
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