Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 40 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,313 Posts
Just file for divorce now.

This is who she is! At least you found out now - and not after she becomes pregnant and claims it is yours.

Don’t even have a conversation with her - just file - those actions don’t give her a chance to lie to you even more than she has already.

She isn’t a good wife. She isn’t a good person to try and be married to.

Move all money to your name only… and cut off all her access to running up credit cards in your name attached to that debt.

Tell her if she needs money she can get a job! Or she can start charging g those men for those encounters!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,992 Posts
Back up everything that you can and file for divorce ASAP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,004 Posts
i am so confused because i love my wife and i dont know if our relationship can still be saved. part of me wants to leave but part of me wants to forgive her.
What I find distressful is not your wife's deviant sexual behavior, but your thought process. How can you after finding all this about your wife, still can think of the above quote?? What love got to do with anything in your situation? Self respect, self worth, dignity are the things that you should be caring about right now. As a man and as an individual that should have more than enough Self respect, self worth, and dignity there shouldn't be any doubts about your immediate actions: getting rid of her immediately like yesterday news.
1st. dump her.
2nd. find a lawyer and file for divorce, and serve her.
3rd. Cut all communication with her completely, Ghost her or gray rock her.
4rd. Find a new woman.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
First off some background - i am 35 my wife is 33 - we were married so so sooo young (me 22, her 20) and we lived the perfect life. my work schedule began to take its toll after a couple of years.
I work in law enforcement - so some long hours.. she is a stay at home wife. no kids -
long story short - i have a 27 year old cousin who sent me a screenshots of my wife on Tinder. it included a link to an instagram she has on private that i didnt know about with about 300 pictures and ~600+ followers. her tinder bio said she was looking for "nsa/casual"
i was devastated - and so embarrassed that my cousin sent me this. when i confronted her she said it was a scam/fake profile on tinder and i asked her to show me if she has the app on her phone and she refused and called me a scumbag for not trusting her. so i felt like crap for not trusting my wife. we havent had sex in months. and when we do have sex she makes me "earn it" - the last time we had sex was only after i bought her a fendi apple watch, and she still didnt give me oral and only had sex in the spooning position. and she is on birth control but made me wear a condom.
my buddy at work told me about a keylogger for her macbook and i installed it and waited a month. since california is opening up she went out for drinks with her "friends" and i decided to check the results
1) her email showed receipt for tinder platinum, which is some super version of tinder that lets you have unlimited likes and change your location to meet more people
2) since her imessage was logged into her macbook i was able to see evidence of her cheating - no less than 15 different chats i am assuming from men she met on tinder asking when she is free and she gave them the times i am out on my shift - and others meeting up at bars or at their apartment. including that day when she said she was out with her friends but she was meeting a guy at buffalo wild wings 20 min away from our house
-one video showed her sucking another mans d*ck in my bed
-2 videos of a guy shooting his wad into my wife's mouth and telling her to show it before she swallows it. it was a huge load and she seemed to enjoy it. then he slapped her hard in the face [she hasnt given me oral in months and hasnt swallowed me in our entire relationship!!!]
-one video in what looks like a van while it was moving
-countless pics of her face covered in semen, and one video of the guy smearing it with his penis and calling her a "" and a "dirty ***"
-a convo of her with a guy who said he was 20 years old and that he didnt want to meet at a bar.. she said she is down to buy him whisky from bevmo and he can come drink it here at my home. he said he didnt want to come, then she sent him pictures of her ass and vagina and then there was nor esponse from him. i think he ghosted her
-a video of her at a hiking trail by our home at the summit and a guy slapping her face and mouth with his penis
-several conversations saying she's been trying to divorce me and she just wants to have some good sex "for a change" (she has never once mentioned divorce to me)
-one with 2 other women and a guy in a fancy looking hotel room. there are none near me so where was it even taken???
-someone spitting into her mouth
-video/pics of anal sex with different men
-several pics of her with a cucumber in her vagina

etc. also to note all the d*cks in the pictures are different. (different colors and shapes and sizes) so i know she has been having sex/hooking up with different guys. one convo was of the guy sending her pics wearing my clothes. i didnt notice things were missing initially but several jackets went missing and now i see some guy wearing my clothes. the worst video was of her sucking a guy and he pulls out and finishes on our wedding picture/wedding ring.

i am beyond destroyed by this, i was shaking and didnt know what to do. when she came home i pretended like nothing happened because i didnt want to act out of anger and blinding rage. but after a few days i am not as mad and now i am so confused because i love my wife and i dont know if our relationship can still be saved. part of me wants to leave but part of me wants to forgive her. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Your wife is either a wanna be porn star or a filthy $lut, or both.

Forgive? Really? You can't possibly be serious. You rattled off 12+ different people having sex with your wife in what sounds like a list of scenes straight off of porn hub, but she will only have sex with you while spooning and wearing a condom. Come on, give me a break. No one in their right mind wants to be married to that.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,500 Posts
This thread turns my stomach, I literally gagged when reading some of the stuff your wife has done with those men. Omfg. I can't even.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
Anyone ever watch the show 10,000 ways to die? Or maybe it was 100,000. Anyways, there was a story on that show of a woman who used produce to do naughty things, was infected with some kind of strange Bactria that went straight to her blood stream and she died. That’s right where my mind went with the cucumber bullet point. Death by produce.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
391 Posts
1) Gather all the evidence make copies and store it offline and safe.
2) Talk to a lawyer, start the divorce process. Make sure he is a shark who specializes in protecting men in divorce. Follow the lawyers advice and instructions.
3) STD testing. Those bugs are nasty and some of them can kill.
4) Carry a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) and record all interactions between you and your wife going forward. Many a man has been screwed over by women filing false DV (domestic violence) charges against them when they realize their wallet (you) is about to be snapped shut and they won't be able to fund their own degeneracy any longer.
5) Read up on and practice a technique called the 180. This is for you to emotionally detach from her. She has a head-start on being detached from you and this will help you catch up.
6) Expose far and wide - Tell her family and yours. Do not let her know you are doing this beforehand. This will stop her from twisting the story and make you out to be the bad guy somehow.
7) Confront her (or not). You may or may not want to confront her on her disgusting adultery. If you do, make sure you record everything. This may be helpful in divorce proceeding as long as you can keep your emotions in check. Some find it better to simply have her served and walk away.
8) NC (no contact) as soon as humanly possible. NC = no new pain and is the fastest way to completely detach from her.

I would suggest a mental exercise: Grieve her as if she had died. In a way she actually did because this alien in the body of your wife is not the woman you thought you married. That woman doesn't exist (maybe never really did). Have a funeral for your wife in your mind and see this animated corpse she now is as the walking dead.

Sorry OP, you have nothing to save here. She will not come back from this and belongs to every other man now. You don't want to live with that or fund it's sexcapades in any way, not even by keeping it fed.

9) Perhaps the most important. Look after yourself (I didn't see kids mentioned)... Eat right, hydrate and exercise because you will need to gather your strength for the coming battle.
10) Realize you didn't fail her, she failed you, herself and society as a whole by being nothing but cheap trash. You can and will do so much better once you emotionally disinvest yourself from this walking garbage heap that used to be your wife.

These bullet points are just the main points to keep in mind in forming an immediate action plan, but you have to plan and act now.

Take care of yourself, this path is not easy, but through no choice of your own, you are now forced to walk it. May your gate be true. Look after yourself.

ETA: VERY IMPORTANT - Open your own bank account and transfer half the funds from all joint accounts into it. Close all joint Credit cards or remove her from them.

-------

The above advice is given in good faith...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
This is contrary to everything a marriage is all about. If it were me, I would file D right away. But that's me. It all depends what your values are regarding marriage and what makes you happy. If how you described your wife are true, then she has mental issues. Run.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,292 Posts
Well I wouldn't confront until you have all your evidence, because she's most likely to deny everything, and don't let her sweet talk you
If the guy in this story's got the pictures he sez he has, he's got her smoking gun; or at least the gun somebody else is firing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
65 Posts
If you haven't cut off her money access and told her to move out, you should do as soon as you get the evidence somewhere safe, multiple copies.

This is among the most horrible betrayals ever heard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
First off some background - i am 35 my wife is 33 - we were married so so sooo young (me 22, her 20) and we lived the perfect life. my work schedule began to take its toll after a couple of years.
I work in law enforcement - so some long hours.. she is a stay at home wife. no kids -
long story short - i have a 27 year old cousin who sent me a screenshots of my wife on Tinder. it included a link to an instagram she has on private that i didnt know about with about 300 pictures and ~600+ followers. her tinder bio said she was looking for "nsa/casual"
i was devastated - and so embarrassed that my cousin sent me this. when i confronted her she said it was a scam/fake profile on tinder and i asked her to show me if she has the app on her phone and she refused and called me a scumbag for not trusting her. so i felt like crap for not trusting my wife. we havent had sex in months. and when we do have sex she makes me "earn it" - the last time we had sex was only after i bought her a fendi apple watch, and she still didnt give me oral and only had sex in the spooning position. and she is on birth control but made me wear a condom.
my buddy at work told me about a keylogger for her macbook and i installed it and waited a month. since california is opening up she went out for drinks with her "friends" and i decided to check the results
1) her email showed receipt for tinder platinum, which is some super version of tinder that lets you have unlimited likes and change your location to meet more people
2) since her imessage was logged into her macbook i was able to see evidence of her cheating - no less than 15 different chats i am assuming from men she met on tinder asking when she is free and she gave them the times i am out on my shift - and others meeting up at bars or at their apartment. including that day when she said she was out with her friends but she was meeting a guy at buffalo wild wings 20 min away from our house
-one video showed her sucking another mans **** in my bed

REDACTED


also to note all the**** in the pictures are different. (different colors and shapes and sizes) so i know she has been having sex/hooking up with different guys. one convo was of the guy sending her pics wearing my clothes. i didnt notice things were missing initially but several jackets went missing and now i see some guy wearing my clothes.

i am beyond destroyed by this, i was shaking and didnt know what to do. when she came home i pretended like nothing happened because i didnt want to act out of anger and blinding rage. but after a few days i am not as mad and now i am so confused because i love my wife and i dont know if our relationship can still be saved. part of me wants to leave but part of me wants to forgive her. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I take back what I said before. Maybe she really does loves you. She knows she is a filthy $lut, but loves you so much that she had you wear a condom to protect yourself from any diseases she probably has. She had you do it in the spoon position because she just wanted to feel you hold her in your strong arms. Those are signs of true love. Maybe an option would be offering to be her cuckhold husband and join in on her Tinder action. That would show her how much you really love her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,584 Posts
I take back what I said before. Maybe she really does loves you. She knows she is a filthy $lut, but loves you so much that she had you wear a condom to protect yourself from any diseases she probably has. She had you do it in the spoon position because she just wanted to feel you hold her in your strong arms. Those are signs of true love. Maybe an option would be offering to be her cuckhold husband and join in on her Tinder action. That would show her how much you really love her.
For real? Come on…
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
For real? Come on…
I'm as real as the OP. Do you really believe a 13 year husband would have the stomach to list out all those things in painstaking detail then say he wants to reconcile with the woman? It is like he searched cuckhold on Porn Hub then listed every degrading scene that came up. He is either full of crap or must be getting off on it, in which case he has a desire to be a cuckhold. Let's assume everything said is true. His wife is obviously into be treat like dirt, degraded and used as a total ****. Based on the evidence that will never ever change. He can either divorce or embrace the lifestyle with her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,584 Posts
I'm as real as the OP. Do you really believe a 13 year husband would have the stomach to list out all those things in painstaking detail then say he wants to reconcile with the woman? It is like he searched cuckhold on Porn Hub then listed every degrading scene that came up. He is either full of crap or must be getting off on it, in which case he has a desire to be a cuckhold. Let's assume everything said is true. His wife is obviously into be treat like dirt, degraded and used as a total ****. Based on the evidence that will never ever change. He can either divorce or embrace the lifestyle with her.
You said she loved him. Ridiculous
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
391 Posts
I agree, but if we are to believe all this there has to be some twisted **** going on, so who knows.
I choose to respond in good faith no matter how outlandish the story because helping a BS outweighs the possibility of being made a fool of on boards like these. Should this post be false, I have lost nothing by offering real advice, because another BS might just read this thread when I'm no longer posting and take it to heart notwithstanding.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
I choose to respond in good faith no matter how outlandish the story because helping a BS outweighs the possibility of being made a fool of on boards like these. Should this post be false, I have lost nothing by offering real advice, because another BS might just read this thread when I'm no longer posting and take it to heart notwithstanding.
I agree, and I certainly did say some of those things tongue in cheek. However, an outlandish situation may have an outlandish solution. I think both of my posts hold true. The husband has to see that the level of behavior reported here is so over the top that, if true, the wife will never ever be a one man woman. So the only options are to get out as fast as you can or fully embrace what she is doing, which I cover in both of my responses.

It was the level of gory details he posted that made me think he must be getting off on this at some level and inspired my second response. If I found that kind of stuff involving my wife I would literally be throwing up and would never have the strength to actually write it down. I would be in the yard burning anything she ever touched. Which makes me think he is either full of it, or actually likes it in some sick and twisted way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,925 Posts
You seem to be on the fence about leaving/divorcing. WHY????
She has made the decision for you. There is no marriage to save.
Multiple other men...walk away....no, RUN AWAY.
She has no love nor any respect for you. At best you are her Plan B or her live-in ATM.
 
21 - 40 of 43 Posts
Top