Tell her husband. It will stop.

Download divorce forms from your state web site and leave them on the table for him to find. It will stop.

 

they claim the husband knows about their chatting... I don't have any way to contact him unless I see him.

I have been shopping around divorce lawyers. They are quite pricey...

 

A therapy session for what? You don't need one. Its very simple, when you have lunch with that sexy neighbor, you tell her in a very straight-to-the-point way but without coming off as being psychotic or pathetic that you will not allow her to text or communicate with your husband every again. The communication stops now. Tell her that If she continues, you have no choice but to contact her husband and tell him that she and your husband are exchanging messages.

She might say that she and your husband are only friends or what not. Tell her that you don't care and tell her to be friends with someone else but not your husband.

Then see if she stops texting. She might but there is a strong chance that your husband will be texting her to initiate. If she doesn't reply then mission accomplished. But if she replies back and continues, you simply take his phone and walk it over to your neighbor's husband and share all the messages with him. Then go back home and tell your husband, to pack his bags and get the **** out of the house.

If you aren't firm now and hold your ground, this "friendship" will become a full blown affair.

 

My husband has made it clear that he will not stop the friendship with this woman. I can ask her to stop but he will be furious.
I am just second-guessing myself as to whether or not them being friends is appropriate...He has me feeling so bad about everything that I'm actually trying to justify this crud! How sickening. We all have kids and the kids are friends. What makes this so horrible is the lies and deleting. I guess I will talk with her, see the therapist, then perhaps file for divorce. All I know is that I feel sick to my stomach.

 

Stop making excuses that only let him and her control your life. They know it disrespecting you and they've already told you they don't care. It's time for you to stand up for yourself. They must be getting a good laugh at your expense.

You know where she lives. Go there and see her husband, call him, give him a copy of the text records.

A lawyer will give you a free consult. Just him finding the divorce forms will inform him your serious. Let him know your talking to D lawyers. See what he thinks about paying you alimony and supporting a residence with her too.

Control you life, don't let others make life decisions for you.

Read this. Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

 

You need some hard evidence to show her husband if they've done this good a job "Crazy Making" with you they'll have him befuddled in a a minute.

You need to see those texts.

What kind of phone does he have?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

he has an HTC Sensation

 

Why do you and the children have to leave your home? He wants out, let him go. Unless, you need to be close to family.

 

i guess i am confused as to what to do. how will i pay the mortgage? his CS for 1 kid won't be a lot. i guess i just figured it would be easier to move back home & start fresh. i'm hoping in therapy saturday we can hash out these things.

 

Sorry you are here, he is being a big jerk. I would suggest that you don't have lunch with the OW. Talk to her husband ASAP. I would even wait outside for him. They are being very cruel to you. You have rights don't leave your home. Tell him to pick and now. Expose, heck put up a sign "cheating wh0re lives here" on her lawn. Lets see if her husband really did know.

Stay strong you do not deserve this.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

ok. i won't have lunch with her. i set up the lunch when i was trying to believe they were just friends. i was planning on making myself a part of whatever the hell is happening to my life.

 

Actually MRB, Mablenc is right.

Nothing good will come of a face to face with the OW.

Don't show for that lunch.
What good will it do?

She'll lie.
You won't believe her.

That's the very best that can happen.

The worst involves medical attention and police reports.

Don't even bother.

 

Did he agree to go to therapy with you?

Otherwise, what's this "we". "We" aren't the ones divorcing. Where does "we" live anyway? Is "we" the one he is cheating on, causing him to hold his phone close at night?

While I understand i'm sure you both have made mistakes, ANY FRIENDSHIP THAT SUPERSEDES THE PRIORITY OF THE OTHER SPOUSE IS AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR OR AT THE VERY LEAST NEGLECT.

Sorry for yelling, just do not tolerate it. Get that appointment with a lawyer, and prepare for it to get messy when he realizes he can't have his cake (money) and eat it. (Live a care free life without you, a kid, and a nice new shiny woman.)

Expose to the husband. Tell him at the very least that both of them are putting their friendship ahead of your feelings. Now ask any reasonable person what that sounds like they are doing?

Edit: Stop worrying about him calling you controlling. That is not spousal support. You have a natural defense to defend the homestead. He obviously does not share this feeling with you. (Reminds me when I had a female friend that my wife asked me to stop talking to and I did, when it came time to return the favor...guess what? Yup, I was controlling.) It's time for his pot to meet the kettle.

 

i had a moment of clarity at 3am. I want a divorce. I feel so disrespected and disgusted. I have a lawyer that handled some things for me years ago and he is willing to give me a great rate. To answer your other question though, yes, my husband agreed to therapy but I plan to use it to try to talk civilly about our divorce. I also plan on insisting we sell the home & split the money. I was being a fool for thinking that I'd let him have it.

I'm just not sure if I should go file NOW or wait until after therapy Saturday.

 

Tell her husband that his wife and your husband are in an affair. Because they are.

 

Personally, therapy is generally a waist of time.

He does want it though. Why? What is his goal?

Edit: Unless you want him to, dont let him kiss you again. It's a mind game, if you let him do it. He thinks he is winning.

 

yep. we've tried therapy twice before. never worked. i don't know what his goal is. before i found out about the other woman i assumed he wanted to save the marriage. now i really don't know what his angle is. as far as the kissing goes. well, i want to stay pretty silent about my divorce intentions until I actually serve him. I don't want him to file first. if i have to endure a few forehead pecks then so be it.

 

update: I filed for divorce today

i called my husband from the lawyer's office because I was having second thoughts. he didn't pick up but texted back that he was in a meeting. so i texted that I was at a divorce lawyer. he simply said he'd call me later. he never ended up calling me back, lol, that's how much he cared. about 4 hours later he simply texted "what now?". so i told him i had made him very happy that day & filed for divorce. no reply from him. he's probably laughing about it with his wh**e.

 

Good for you MRB.

First step towards a better life for you and your child.

I know it hurts, but he's just proving how much he cares. But then again you knew that.

 

i honestly don't think i have ever experienced something so painful. thank you for your sweet words. funny how 2 days ago i was thinking life was dandy... how quick life can change.

 

Are you going to try to prove adultery? (With a key logger, PI, VAR, etc.) Or would that not help you in CA anyway?

From what I've read you should NOT leave the home- it puts you at a disadvantage.

Your H's response reminds me so much of how mine has acted. Who knows how they really feel. I barely care anymore. They cannot, will not give us what we need and deserve in a relationship. Good riddance!

 

it doesn't matter in CA. as for now I am not leaving the home but my lawyer said since I cannot afford to keep it and we just bought it a year ago it may be best to just give him the home.

i just had the scare/nervous tummy of my life. I came downstairs a few moments ago & my STBX was just leaving. I guess he came early to get his stuff. He said nothing & just left as soon as he saw me. He looks angry still. I wonder if he stayed at the OW's home last night...she's right down the street. Her husband (since they all claim to be friends) probably let him take the couch.

 

I think CA is a no fault state Pink... I don't think it matters

 

MRB

You feel horrible because your husband has shown no real love and in fact he has treated you like an enemy. From what you wrote he is a selfish punk that chooses to not live up to being a man and does not honor his family. You have given him several opportunities to be a decent person but he has flat reused.

He has forced the issue of suffering for even his own child. DO NOT buy into any guilt, you are a good woman and have tried to save the marriage several times. Yes, you will suffer and so will your children but it is better to get the suffering over with than to let it drag out for years and really tear you all the way down. At this point I would encourage you to keep your eyes focused completely on doing what is best for you and your children, DO NOT let yourself get soft or compromise for him. The best chance he has of getting jolted out of his selfishness is for him to hurt and suffer for a good amount of time.

If you concentrate on you and the children and do not let him manipulate you if he sees that his plan with the other woman is not working, then you will be doing what is best for you and your family. If he wants to come back to you tell him that he will have to do what is best for you and the children without asking anything for himself. If he does this for a long time then you can decide what you want to do. If he never does this then you just keep working for you and your children.

Prepare yourself to be tempted to compromise and be tempted to be fooled that he has changed. He will not change in a few moths; he must show change for years. It is easy to fake it for a few months.

This man has no consideration for your or his child’s well being at all. That is because he is a selfish punk. You are a good woman so do not buy into any guilt or low self esteem crap. You will be hit with that crap but get help so that you can stop him from treating you like you are a door mat.

You are young and you have family to help you. You have a lot of time to rebuild your life. If you were in your 60s, in bad health, and have no one to help you would be screwed. You are far from that and you can have a much better life in the years to come. Millions of women have done it and so can you.

I would love to kick your husband’s AZZ but that would not help in the long haul. You having a good life with your children will be the greatest outcome. Keep your eyes on the end game!

God bless you my dear!


Blunt

 

thank you so much. i am quite in shock right now. my STBX just announced he has an attorney. i guess i thought - well, I don't know what i thought. i guess i thought he'd only get an attorney if we needed to fight in court. i got one just to help me figure out what to do in the process.

funny how I feel even worse now that i know he has an attorney. as far as me still being young - no, i'm 36. i have 3 kids. i have no job. i have to move back with family. what a catch I am!

 

Well put Mr Blunt.

On the topic of compromise. Remember, compromising in reconciliation = failed reconciliation.

I am not talking about admitting your faults, i'm talking about taking him back without him showing the necessary things that show he means it. Yes, it could take months possibly years.

 

Bt MRB
thank you so much. i am quite in shock right now. my STBX just announced he has an attorney. i guess i thought - well, I don't know what i thought. i guess i thought he'd only get an attorney if we needed to fight in court. i got one just to help me figure out what to do in the process.

funny how I feel even worse now that i know he has an attorney. as far as me still being young - no, i'm 36. i have 3 kids. i have no job. i have to move back with family. what a catch I am!

For a teenager or a person in their early 20 you are old. However, you have not even got to the halfway point in your life. You are not old. You know when you are old? You are old when you have nothing to love and nothing loves you. Your children love you and you love your children. You have a good 40-50 years left.

Frankly, when you get back on your feet you do not need a man. I know that in the Cinderella world it would be very nice to have a man that treats you like a queen and takes cares of most of your needs. Life is a lot about playing the odds. The odds of getting a man like that are very low for anyone of any age.

Here is the bottom line:
Because of your punk-AZZ husband you are going to have it rough for a while. You need to get into the work world and get the financial issue so that you do not have to depend any person. That will take a while. You are down because your husband has treated you like an enemy and that will afffect your whole being for a while. For now concentrate on building up your self esteem and confidence and get a plan for money.

Get around people that will build you up; people like your family, friends, a good church, etc. make a plan to get yourself a profession that you a can support yourself and your children. DO NOT concentrate on how shyty your husband has treated you. You are in shock because you are a good person and you would not treat anyone like your husband is treating you. MIND over Matter for now. Make yourself do it!


Get yourself in position that you are very contented with yourself. When you are self reliant then watch the men be drawn to you like a magnet. The secret is for you to get yourself in a position that you can live with a man or WITHOUT a man. My grandmother was younger than you when her husband left her with 5 children. She had no trade and did not even speak the English language. It was rough on my little 4 foot-8 inch granny but she got herself so that she did not need anyone but God. Grandpa tried to come back but she did not give him the time of the day. She lived to be 90 and was the most grateful, happy, joyful, contented woman I have ever known.

Be an aggressive persistent person in getting every resource available to help you. In the end you will be much happier that you have been forced to be self reliant. Self reliant people attract mates and have a lot more choices and do not have to compromise as much as a person that is less reliant. Get as free from your husband as you can and know that California is pretty good about making the husband pay for his children. Make sure that you get legal papers so that your husband will have to finally start to be a man and pay for his children; no compromise!. He is in for a very ride awakening. Your husband is in a very high selfish mode so do not expect anything from him except him being all about him or he will try to be very manipulative. He will wind up with a relationship with two cheaters and losing half of his income. Sooner or later justice for him will be served; you need to concentrate on you and your children; that is an investment that will pay you well for your whole life. You will be a parent that your children will be proud of.

If you do not concentrate on only you and your children you will wind up compromising and being dependant on someone else.

 

You are not old. You know when you are old? You are old when you have nothing to love and nothing loves you. Your children love you and you love your children. You have a good 40-50 years left.

No truer words were ever spoken! As Mr. B has so ardently pointed out, "age is strictly an internal mindset." You are only as old as you believe that you are~ Hell, I'm 60 and I don't consider myself anywhere near the scrapheap of life.

Despite some minor natural aging characteristics, I've got two sons whom I totally adore, totally gifts from the Heavenly Father. I anxiously await their growing into young men and having kids of their own that "Grandpa" can stay young and in shape by chasing them around and having them chase me!

And despite the infidelity brought into my marriage by my STBXW, I certainly won't be jaded enough against women or of the institution of marriage enough to swear vengeance against either.

Despite life's little disappointments and setbacks, there is just way too much love in my heart for God, for family, for my sons, and my friends. Certainly there is still enough space in there somewhere for a woman that I might come to love and cherish, knowing that at the very same time, that she loves me just as much!

 

Im in a similar situation..totally dependant on a walk away husband that cheats. WE have an adopted child..but Im totally dependent on him financially

 

MRB

I know this may not matter to you at this point, but please do not take your husband's word that the OM knows. Remember, your husband is a cheater. I may sound like a broken record from other messages I left elsewhere on TAM, but right now Mr. Highway Patrol (OM) does not know!! You were told that he knows just to take the pressure off and to have you believe it, would prevent you from interfering. Again, he likely doesn't know. What is probably happening behind the scenes now, is that your husband told OW that he is divorcing and now its time for them to run off together. OW (a cake eater), is now really scared that her husband will find out.

Most people on this site (including myself) had much more logistical challenges in trying to get the proof to the other person. Geez, yours is just 7 houses down. When Mr. Highway Patrol finds out your husband is boinking his wife, all hell will break loose and your husband will be running for cover. Enjoy it.

 

By Arbitrator
Despite life's little disappointments and setbacks, there is just way too much love in my heart for God, for family, for my sons, and my friends. Certainly there is still enough space in there somewhere for a woman that I might come to love and cherish, knowing that at the very same time, that she loves me just as much!

Now there is a 60 year old man that is going to be 29 years of age on his next birthday! Note his young attitude and optimistic outlook!!!