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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It has been 10weeks since my wife walked out. Brief background, we have been M5.5yrs and 2GTHR6yrs, two boys 3 & 1.5. H34yrs old and W30yrs. Both first M. DDay 9/18/2012 Seperated 9/18/2012. We have been on mostly texting terms. I implemented 180 and no contact 4wks ago. Since we have kids, we only text about them now, and have to see each other for an exchange each week .

I have been consistently working on myself, i am getting into great shape, look good, feel good. I am focused on buying a house on my own after the D is final (we both moved back to parents). I am being a great father, take my boys everywhere i go.

Dont get me wrong this is not easy, the lonliness and heartache is extremely tough. There are days that i miss my wife alot, i want to pick up the phone and call her. But i dont give in.

I wonder if i am doing the right thing with no contact and 180. Is there any chance that she is waiting for me to make the first move? Is she waiting for me to be her knight in shinning armor? My wife is very stubborn and when she makes a decision she tends to stick to it. It would take an act of god to change her mind.

What is your thoughts TAM? How long do i stay on this path? Prior to doing the 180, when we were married i was extremely unhealthy, i drank, ate bad, and was depressed (finances partly led to this). She left because "it was your drinking, golfing, and neglect".

This journey is by far the most difficult i have experienced in my life.
 

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So she was having an affair and you guys split. Have you any knowledege of her still with her affair partner?

The reason I ask is cuz most likely you are the furthest thing from her mind, as hard as it is to face you have been replaced and now her energy is going to the other man and both look forward to the day you get the kids so they can go off and play with out the kids in the way.

I think her new boyfriend is still fresh and exciting I wouldn't waste the energy in trying to start something up. You will know when she is done with her new guy when she starts to warm up to you again.

Thats what I think but I could be wrong and she is single and is focusing on being a good mother.

So is she see someone or not?
 

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She left cuz she found some one else, she will find out soon enought that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

I'm surprised you breezed over d-day in Sept.. with out explaining more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Guy - let me explain further, we seperated 9/18/12 she served me with papers two days later. There is no OM that i can see, she has really attached herself to her friend that (is for lack of a better work) a street walker. The D is not final. She has been partying, drinking, and shopping alot. Ironic, that she cited my drinkning as a problem and then she is doing exactly what she disliked in me!! She is living at her moms house and has my boys there half time. She is saying one thing to my family, but behind the seens she is partying with her friends.

Also not to mention she is acting very impulsive, she went out and had her mom buy her a new car. She could not do it on her own b/c her credit is bad and she had no proof of income (we own a small bussiness that she runs)
 

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Guy - let me explain further, we seperated 9/18/12 she served me with papers two days later. There is no OM that i can see, she has really attached herself to her friend that (is for lack of a better work) a street walker. The D is not final. She has been partying, drinking, and shopping alot. Ironic, that she cited my drinkning as a problem and then she is doing exactly what she disliked in me!! She is living at her moms house and has my boys there half time. She is saying one thing to my family, but behind the seens she is partying with her friends.

Also not to mention she is acting very impulsive, she went out and had her mom buy her a new car. She could not do it on her own b/c her credit is bad and she had no proof of income (we own a small bussiness that she runs)
Her actions say it all.

She left you.

Filed for divorce.

The rest doesn't matter.

Do you have a co-parenting plan?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Upn - her actions tell me that she is running scared and acting very impulsive and iresponsible. She is on the titanic and has hit iceberg, it is a matter of time before she hits rock bottom. She can't even support herself, she will complain she has no money then when i check our bussiness account (she does not know i still have access) i see charges for restaurants and clothes in excess of $300. She is draining her business of all the little at a time.

Thankfully my name is not attached to it :)
 

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D-day = discoveryday in the copying with infidelity.

Thats why I thought she was having an affair.

If she wasn't back in Sept. she's having one now IMHO!

In her mind you guy are divorced so god only knows how many guys she's been with in her drunken stuper.
 

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She doesn't sound like a very fit mom, I would be be very concerned who my kids are around. You might want to build a better case for more custody and quitly investiagate her activities and document them.
 

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Her mind is not right and if someone touches those kids..it hard to fix that.

I would be very concerned...very very concerned.

My first order of business is going over and making sure the kids are safe.

She's out drinking why not just let you have the kids ...does she really even care who has them?
 

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Upn - her actions tell me that she is running scared and acting very impulsive and iresponsible. She is on the titanic and has hit iceberg, it is a matter of time before she hits rock bottom. She can't even support herself, she will complain she has no money then when i check our bussiness account (she does not know i still have access) i see charges for restaurants and clothes in excess of $300. She is draining her business of all the little at a time.

Thankfully my name is not attached to it :)
You'd be surprised how manipulative those who require enablers can be.

Which is why it's best not to assume or hope for anything and work on yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Guy - Gotcha Discovery day, i am confident that there is no affair, but you right what is stopping her from starting a relationship. I dont think she will, first because when she has the boys it is all about them.

The problem is that when she does not have the boys (typically the weekend) she is out partying it up! But no very smart i can track her spending through the business account, and she post pictures here and there that i save just in case i need them.

You know the saying "give them enought rope to hand themselves"

I have all the records to show in court if i have too. Plus i have been going to IC myself consitantly, and giving her CS $$, so this may help my case.

IMO, i think she is very lost, and running scared. She is keeping herself so busy that she does not have to think about the future or better yet her marriage that she destroyed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
UPN - you are totally right, her friend is feeding off her and my W is subsidizing her with money and a job at the business.

The question is if she wakes up one day and realizes what she did, will it be too late, will i have already moved on.
 

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UPN - you are totally right, her friend is feeding off her and my W is subsidizing her with money and a job at the business.

The question is if she wakes up one day and realizes what she did, will it be too late, will i have already moved on.
It's your exes decision to allow that to happen.

Even then, you are ASSUMING it is this way.

That question is irrelevant, especially seeing how you ended it.

Continuation in this method of thinking will never allow you to move on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
It's your exes decision to allow that to happen.

Even then, you are ASSUMING it is this way.

That question is irrelevant, especially seeing how you ended it.

Continuation in this method of thinking will never allow you to move on.
i see, moving on is the hardest thing to do, even though i pretend to be moving on when i do the exchange, when i am alone w/o the kids it is tuff. But the more 180'ing i do and the more i let her go, the more i see i am better w/o her. Sad but true.
 

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i see, moving on is the hardest thing to do, even though i pretend to be moving on when i do the exchange, when i am alone w/o the kids it is tuff. But the more 180'ing i do and the more i let her go, the more i see i am better w/o her. Sad but true.
"Faking it to make it".

This is totally acceptable to do around HER or anyone else associated with her (running into old friends / family etc).

Doing it to YOURSELF.

Not good.
 

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Her friend she is feeding - male or female ?

She served you the paperwork 2 days after she told you the BS speech ? You didn't knew anything about it ?

I don't wanna scare you , but don't be too optimistic about " NO posOM " ! You'll be surprised how good they can hide it !

She is partying all the time and you stay home and spy her ? This is totally against the 180 rules !
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Her friend is female.. been her best friend on and off since high school. But she is a really bad influence. She told me over the phone and since then we have only texted each other. I did not expect this it was kinda out of the blue.

I really don't think there is OM.. because 1. She lives at her moms and 2. I am able to confirm it by her actions.

For the last ten weeks i have had my children on the weekends. I only keep tabs on the bank account. But i did notice that she befriended my FB and made hers private.. weird thing is that my family and friends are still her friend. Also her 2 best friends including the one mentioned befriended me too. Prob at her request... doesnt bother me.. just immature.

As far as the 180 goes for all she knows i am totally doing the opposite and no contact. But for myself i have not followed the 180 to a T. I still check the bank account.
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