Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 60 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
100% Transparency.... what does this REALLY mean?

I hear so many talk about it -but even they appear to have lines drawn in the sand......we don't cross into each others "pasts" /don't dare ask how many sex partners I had !.. ...of course we have each others passwords on FB, but don't touch my cell phone! .......Maybe now we are down to 85%.....

Then there are those who completely FREAK upon learning of one questionable line uttered to a Co-worker.....yet they say the TRUST them....

If 100% transparency was being practiced & lived, one thing is certain.... there would be NO questioning of the motives of the spouse....the husband or wife would already be clued into the state of their hearts .....whether it be with them or in a state of wavering, uncertainty during that time. .... Admitting such is also a part of true Transparency. It is not all flowers & spice & everything nice.....

There are many reasons why it can never be practiced.... one is - the majority EXPECT near perfection from their spouses. This is a grave grave error. Another is the shaking fear of vulnerability, we want no part of it.
"Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” Mother Theresa
Take 20 minutes learn the beauty of Vulnerability >>Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

One thing I have always been with my husband is ....terribly HONEST, there was an Untempered openness there..... In my youth, I was more apt to be on the rude side to remain true -over tactfully lying to save face, thankfully I have learned some grace with my words over the years.

Transparency is being openly honest -even when it has the potential to put you in the Doghouse ...... and Vulnerabilty is sharing your HEART in all it's fullness risking you may appear WEAK, insecurities exposed to the light....

My husband was my Prince, I the damsel in distress ........ there was an "acceptance" from him that I felt from the very beginning--I just KNEW I could share every secret place of my heart ...... the good, the bad, the ugly, my deepest hurts, my greatest fears, my highest highs, my most embarrasing moments, the worries I carried, every imperfection .....I was safe in his arms.

And from his end, although not as forthcoming as myself , he always allowed me to DIG & dig as deep as I wanted ..... what he has given me from day 1 .....is his honesty & just as myself. ......even if it may not be what I want to hear ...... never has he made me feel I was asking too much, invading his privacy, never has he tried to steer a conversation elsewhere "to avoid", he had no walls erected that I could not pass through .... Always a WILLINGNESS there ... to allow me access to every corner of his being. Some things in life are Priceless, this I count among them.

This is about being Genuinely Authentic, NO MASKS.


But this is real life.......Sometimes our hearts may become unsettled/ conflicted for whatever reason, we are tempted to pick up a mask, maybe we wear many masks ! But with our spouse, we should need none. ....We need to take these unhealthy "stirrings" to our spouse , go to them humbly- heartfully ... at this point these things are very small "breaks", only seeds.... this is radical mind you -but this IS Transparency at it's core......

We do this.....because we LOVE & RESPECT our spouses, We throw away the excuses, no grass growing under our feet, we REFUSE to go the easy way of "hiding". ...... Never Never Never underestimate the power of Secrets, it is the beginning of every Slippery Slope that leads to the death of something that once was "beautiful".

.... A mountain the size of Everest is thrown in here when we are met with an overy sensitive highly offended spouse who will throw their hands up in the air & say 'I am not listening to this, I'm out of here!!" crying betrayal .....before listening. This is very very disheartening. Some likely need counseling dealing specifically with communication before true transparency can even be entertained.

....I think of a old dusty transparent glass sculpture (this could be the spouse who is stuggling with something) ...and the hearer could either be a hammer -shattering its form to peices ....or a fine linen caring to shine & restore it's beauty again.

Both partners must fully acknowledge :

Temptations can befall ANYONE -look at the rate of infidelity, many who feel it could never happen to them- eat those words. We must be realistic, understanding human nature, even it's darker side, the heart can be SELFISH at times, wanting it's own. We, as well as our spouses, are capable of doing/saying CARELESS things, even for attention, a little excitement, our egos, having weak moments, overspending on impulse, we are also capable of verbal venom when HURT or just plain frustrated. What else is new under the sun. If you are above all of this, you are a rare person indeed. I, for one, am not.

But yet...we are damned determined, despite all of these unfavorable things about ourselves ......to do right by our spouse, chasing after a clear conscience -because we need to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror every day. For those with integrity, this is a MUST.

This is how it works for me... when I do something wrong , something that is in conflict with what is "written on my heart" in regards to my husband, our life together... I loose that "Peace" I am so used to carrying around, I seriously CAN NOT live with myself until I have told him & bared my heart -to why. I liken it to trying to swallow a bitter jagged pill, I can't get the thing down, and if I managed too, my stomach wouldn't accept it....as it should be.

On the recieving end......we also understand the meaning of GRACE......Yes, it hurts, LOVE HURTS, but we must appreciate his/her honesty in coming forth, for not taking the easy slippery road to betrayal. When heartfelt communication is engaged in, sometimes their will be tears even, we offer understanding, it is not so easy to be in their shoes either. This is where we need to get to the ROOT of THE WHY'S.... what led to this place. What is missing, or is it just sinister? Determine to work through it ....commincation never stopping... To give wings to a budding resentment, and get back on the bridge of emotional connection, we patch these little breaks as we go along, never to revisit them in future arguments , or holding them against the other .

This is what my husband gives me, and I give him.

One article described Transparency like this >>
Share what goes on in your lives completely, letting the light shine in all the corners, and trust won't be a problem. As a wise man once said, nothing is as freeing as the truth shared, especially between two people who love one another. The more you practice transparency, the easier it will become, as will trust, until it is as natural as breathing".
It is breathing for me & mine. I asked him last night , in preparing to write this....what % would he say he has waded through in THE BAD in comparison to the Good , he counted it "ALL GOOD"..... funny how selective his memory is!!! I know it wasn't all good.... The worst I dished out was when dating & giving his ring back for a short time, I never HID or masked my true feelings, we talked all the way through it, he was never in the dark -it was a time of uncertainty-FOR ME. He remained steadfast, hurt but appreciative I didn't lie & go behind his back to figure it all out. I came back to him... maybe the way he handled that -was a part of it.


Love this article, conveying the same marital spirit ...
Living a High Definition, Transparent Marriage - Focus on the Family


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/articles/993-sex-lies-secrets-secrecy-destroying-your-marriage.html


How is Transparency handled in your own marriage?? Please post your thougths, your own stories . Do you desire more transparency, does a spouse bother you because they want more than you care to give ?

It is a subject I don't feel is talked about near enough but likely the largest preventative medicine to a healthy marriage.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,585 Posts
OH, S.A....lies are a real relationship killer! Secrecy breeds contempt, mistrust, and a whole host of other unpleasant things. I wish I had learned of this board ages ago, before my H, then BF started lying (by omission) about things - and letting me find out the hard way, destroying my trust in him along the way. But, we're a 'new' couple. We're older, but we have only been together 18 months, married for 3 of those months. I'm hoping that time will heal the hurt I have right now, and that in 30 years, or maybe even 1 or 2, I'll look back on this point in our relationship and say to myself "What was the big deal, anyway???".

I have asked him for 'transparency', but we're not on the same page regarding the topic. But partly, it's my own fault, because I haven't been able to ask him for passwords because I am afraid of the reaction, and I don't want to start another fight. The truth is, if I had his pw, I'd probably check once or twice, and be satisfied with what I saw, and never check his emails again. I don't even really believe I'd find anything in there, anyway...but still, it nags at me every now and then, to NOT know who might be writing him, or who he may be writing to in secret...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,045 Posts
This is about being Genuinely Authentic, NO MASKS.



But this is real life.......Sometimes our HEART may become unsettled, conflicted for whatever reason, we are tempted to pick up a mask, maybe we wear many masks ! BUt with our spouse, we should need none. ....We need to take these unhealhty "stirrings" to our spouse , go to them humbly- heartfully, at this point these things are very small "breaks", only seeds.... this is radical mind you -but this IS transparency at it's core......
^ I particularly liked this.

You know I'd start a SA fan club if I could. I always take the time to read your threads and posts. I don't have much to contribute - you have it covered!

I couldn't say we have always had 100% transparency but this is changing. I have felt that we showed our authentic selves (as much as we knew, at least) to each other. We have been honest with expressing our feelings - to the best of our ability. There have been times when we were unaware that perhaps we weren't expressing what was going on deeper. Sometimes walls are built from childhood and becomes part of our nature; we might not even recognize our own behaviors and patterns until we're ready for some serious self-reflection and growth.

I feel like I'm sidetracking. I think what you have written is extremely valuable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,323 Posts
hey SA. hows it going??

my husband and i have total transparency. we both keep our phones unlocked, we both have access to e-mails, he sets up automatic bill payment on my e-mail so i can see whats going on.

we read one anothers postal mail, he and i can look at our on demand screen to see what shows were watched.

we are open and honest 99% of the time, and the one percent isnt underhanded or sneaky, just forgetful.

we do have the rule of cross posting..like if i had a thread he wouldnt post in it and vice versa. it isnt a "rule", but more like, curtesy.

he has full access to the netflix account. i have a book with all my other sites in signed up with, and the passwords and e-mail, and it sits out in the open, and he can look anytime he wants.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
But, we're a 'new' couple. We're older, but we have only been together 18 months, married for 3 of those months. I'm hoping that time will heal the hurt I have right now, and that in 30 years, or maybe even 1 or 2, I'll look back on this point in our relationship and say to myself "What was the big deal, anyway???".
Everyone is different of coarse, as for me, I don't think I could move past something like that unless it was fully talked about, him outrightly admitting WHY he did those things, and yes, even in the past. Coming to grips with betrayal ....I don't feel one would ever say "What was the Big deal"...but if he truly has changed, time will heal those wounds and he can regain your trust but only with time and his being careful to treat you right, showing you how important you are day in day out with actions, not just words. You need to feel that change, that turn around, and know it is going to last....and of coarse I want to say ....more willing transparency..should be a part of it.

I have asked him for 'transparency', but we're not on the same page regarding the topic. But partly, it's my own fault, because I haven't been able to ask him for passwords because I am afraid of the reaction, and I don't want to start another fight. The truth is, if I had his pw, I'd probably check once or twice, and be satisfied with what I saw, and never check his emails again. I don't even really believe I'd find anything in there, anyway...but still, it nags at me every now and then, to NOT know who might be writing him, or who he may be writing to in secret...
I would find that a very very hard situation to be in. The way I look at this is....these things should never even have to be asked for- they should be freely offered, it is a "given" in marraige. To even have to ask is demeaning somehow.

I wouldn't say it is your fault by any means, he sounds unwilling -and you know how it plays down. :( Your situation is kinda the opposite of what I focused on in my opening post....this is just as common, or more so.

You desiring it knowing what a marraige needs , so willing to be transparent.... but met with a Roadblock.

It doesn't necessarily mean he is doing anything wrong though, not everyone shares everything. I think it is more telling how someone treats you everyday, their level of verbal & physical affection.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,585 Posts
So what do I do then...? There is an unwillingness on his part. I can feel it. He would deem it a violation. This is without me asking.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
So what do I do then...? There is an unwillingness on his part. I can feel it. He would deem it a violation. This is without me asking.
I seriously don't have an answer for you, because once you married him, it is like changing the rules on him, this is how HE will likely see it anyway. If it was accepted before -and this is how he wants it, you are in a tough , very tough place after the vows.

See I could never marry someone like that, I would literally be a pain up thier waaazo, it is not because I would even care about passwords per say , life shouldn't be a list of "rules" but yeah, that willingness is how I describe it. I like to ask alot of personal questions - because I crave to get to know someone-and deeply , and a few slights, privacy roadblocks would be enough for me to turn around not come back that way again.

That is just too hard on a marraige. It does breed suspicion... especially after what you have been through ..he should allow you THAT much... in good faith.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I couldn't say we have always had 100% transparency but this is changing. I have felt that we showed our authentic selves (as much as we knew, at least) to each other. We have been honest with expressing our feelings - to the best of our ability.
...and I know from your personal story things are getting better & better all the time! It just works this way. :)

Me & mine talked about this, I was always really INTO whatever his feelings were on things, dating, the whole bit, then I got sidetracked with infertility, with all the kids in a short span of years and some of this fell by the wayside....I wasn't asking as many questions, how work was every day for him , or how he felt about this or that, like I always did in our past.

I recall a time where we went out to a Restaraunt without the kids (a rarity) & I looked across that table and had this thought ..."What do we even talk about- if not the kids?!" Yikes! That should have been a wake up call we were just NOT communicating the way we used too. Too focused on other things can get us sidetracked too.

But yeah- it is great to keep that sharing flowing- on a variety of things, we seemed to have a stready diet of "kids" for a time. He says he WANTS my personal attention, he wants my asking of him -it shows I am genuinelly interested in him, this is good, the mystery should never die. Keep it ALIVE -always something new to learn in life, about each other (we are terribly DEEP creatures) and then go off & experience together.

There have been times when we were unaware that perhaps we weren't expressing what was going on deeper. Sometimes walls are built from childhood and becomes part of our nature; we might not even recognize our own behaviors and patterns until we're ready for some serious self-reflection and growth.
I think what you say HERE is monumentally true for the majority of people, I likely had a few walls in my teens -with alot of people-that ones that didn't really know me. The people that were friendly / approachable & seemed to care, got to see the whole unfiltered me though. When you accually let that loose, these are the people that bind themselves to you, they want to spend time with you & never forget you.

My son brought his GF to our house after school for the 1st time yesterday, I can see by thier interaction, they are NOT totally themselves with each other...YET. He is guarded with her, just not his usual "let it rip funny self". He was bouncing things off of ME to get things in a more happening mode before her. Oh in due time. He came to me later and said "Mom what do I do, a senior likes her!"- he is fearing heartbreak already.

How you get yourself to be more unguarded is spending time together and JUST SHARING, showing interest & communicating, not fearing asking those deeper questions and just spilling it -as it is. Then slowly the REAL you will rise out of that. I told him once she sees the REAL HIM, I don't think he will have any trouble keeping her- at least for a while, they are awfully young yet
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
hey SA. hows it going??

we read one anothers postal mail, he and i can look at our on demand screen to see what shows were watched.
Doing wonderful, not ready for Christmas, playing Hum Bug, The kids want to make cookies, gingerbread houses, lists are thrown at me, so much cooking, wrapping, a tree is enough decorating for me, I stop there, I need to buy little things for those stockings, I am not really on the ball -so I will be scrambling the last minute I suppose.

I handle all the mail, I think the only thing I don't open is his coin flyers. All the check writing , bill paying I do- he probably hasn't written a check in years, just asked him , he said he probably wouldn't even remember how !



he has full access to the netflix account. i have a book with all my other sites in signed up with, and the passwords and e-mail, and it sits out in the open, and he can look anytime he wants.
This is how we are too, I use the same password for my 3 email accounts, he uses the same for his & many times I have been on his page, him on mine & we just use them like it was our own to send each other a link or something. I have the same Password for every forum I ever visited, although differnt usernames. We have them written down on a peice of paper too -on a shelf .

Although my husband has never cared to look, way too much reading for him!! Many times he is sitting just feet away from me on his laptop and I read stuff to him & anything interesting -I just spill it all. Often I will tell him some of the CRAZY usernames I see on this forum -the other day I seen "WTFman" -that was halarious! He always listens with interest.

I think the only 'checking" either one of us has EVER done, with the intention of "looking for something" ...is ME in the past trying to find the porn he downloaded (pics only -playboy stuff) , he never tried to hide it, so It was easy to find..and back then I sat there & deleted it all too.

Now he does this in the open & I am totally fine with his growing collection -even has it on a separate Hard Drive. I am always asking him what he thinks he is going to do with all that, hand it down to his sons. I think he gets more ENJOYMENT in the darn downloading it -than looking at it. He never just "looks". It is like a hobby more so. Very strange.

we do have the rule of cross posting..like if i had a thread he wouldnt post in it and vice versa. it isnt a "rule", but more like, curtesy.
So your husband posts here too? I think the neatest thing is ...when couples come here together and wade through the feedback in what they are facing, both giving each side to thier story, thier personal views. I would look upon that scenerio, if both were open to it ...as near free Marraige counseling.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,948 Posts
I think it is very important for a couple to understand each other. Just as friends, the more secrets we share, the better we understand each other, the more intimate we become.

If you don't become transparent, if you don't open yourself to the one you are spending life together, how can he or she understand you and love you the way you want to be loved?

My husband and I are very open with each other. While we were dating, we shared everything. The way we grew up, the struggles we had, what kind of sex life we had, etc. My husband usually does a thorough research before he buys anything. He did the same thing while he was choosing his life long partner. He got to know me through conversations with me. After we got married, we don't have anything secretive. Our email accounts are open for each other, our money is together, we buy things together. We don't do anything which the other one doesn't know about.

People are doing a lot of things I don't understand and I don't agree with. They say what works for you doesn't work for me. I think people now are too protective of themselves, they don't trust others, they don't trust their spouses. But how can you have a happy marriage if you don't trust the one you are married to?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,948 Posts
How can they be your partner if they don't know you, if you won't allow them to know you? :scratchhead:


Some of them are too scared and worried that they might be judged. They are worried if they tell their spouses the truth, they might lose them.

Some of them are just plain selfish. They want to enjoy the good life a marriage provides, but they also want to enjoy the good life outside of a marriage. In the end, they are lost!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,888 Posts
My husband and I also have 100% transparency in our marriage. My husband and I are very honest with one another and have always communicated very well throughout or marriage. My husband is even becoming more comfortable with talking about sex with me. He never wants to hurt my feelings in anyway, nor does he want to come across as selfish, especially in that manner. I'm very honest with my husband and I'd never keep any secrets from him. I believe he is the same way.

One thing is we have each other passwords for everything. We keep them in the filing cabinet next to the computer. We are both curious people and we both go through each others computers/iPods. My computer is currently and forever broken. We don't have the funds to buy another at this current time. My husband once told me that he has no interest in porn or strip clubs. He was telling the truth, I went through weeks of history and nothing. I never see him look at other women when we are together. I always thought that every man at least looks, which I'm very happy that my husband does not do this. It builds up my confidence as a woman.

Since our sex increased, so has the communication and the affection. These last few months have been better then ever. It's better now then when we were first dating. Especially with the communication on my husbands part. He is a very private and reserved man. I know him better then anyone, as the same goes for him with me. We truly have one of the best marriages ever. I honestly don't know too many people who get along like my husband and I do. He's better then any "best" girlfriend I have had. Recently I've noticed my husband glancing over looking at me quite frequently. I hope he is fantasizing what new things we can try out in bed. ;) Maybe I'll ask him. He's very good at noticing when something is not quite right with me and tries to fix it. I'm so very lucky to have him as my husband. He does so much for me and puts in so much effort in our marriage. I think he goes above and beyond what most men would do. I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life.

However, we don't really talk about our past relationships. We both have been married once before and both our exes have were verbally abusive. His ex wife was drop dead gorgeous, which I was jealous in the very beginning of our marriage. She was trying to get back together with my husband at that time and wouldn't leave him alone. Eventually that faded and my jealousy disappeared.

These last 13 years together have been the best years of my life with my husband. Our love continues to grow even stronger as time goes on.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,999 Posts
My husband and I know each other very well.

We had very independent lives before we met. We do not feel the need to merge our identites completely. We each need to keep some things for ourselves.

There is no need for me to read his mail or listen to his phone calls. He does not go through my phone or my private journal. We are not suspicious of each other.

Sometimes I think that members of TAM, judge couples who do not share EVERYTHING. We all do whatever we are happy with in our marriages and that needs to be respected.:)

I was told that I must be ashamed or have something to hide.:rofl: It's amazing how people think that they live in other member's heads.

Imagine Hope Counseling Group - Our Resources - PLANTING THE SEED OF INTERDEPENDENCE
This article is about interdependence, which is the goal of any healthy adult relationship. Neither utter dependence or complete independence is good for a marriage.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
My husband usually does a thorough research before he buys anything. He did the same thing while he was choosing his life long partner.
Green Pearl, I absolutely love this - I am a meticulous researcher...when I first got a computer, it seemed everyone was into chat rooms (before FB)... that bored me to tears, I spent all my time researching whatever I had questions for -alot of that was health issues, religion, any darn thing I was interested in-this is when I discovered the JOY of forums and yakking about particular subjects, alot of learning there. And I am just like your husband --I simply must read reviews on Amazon or other review sites before I buy near anything, I want to make sure it is not Junk- I want the BEST, so I won't have to buy it again.

And how true to my nature.... when I met my boyfriend -had he been anyone else, he would have likely gotten irritated with me....cause I was so full of questions, I would send him notes asking how he felt about this, about that, cause I was basically RESEARCHING HIM!!!

I must admit I am happy I went about in this way, cause I knew that I knew that I knew what I was marrying when I walked down that aisle. And he knew what a feisty somewhat "out of the box" broad he signed up for too. He has never let me down. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,323 Posts
i know..when did december get here....and its almost christmas vacation too...where did the year go..??

my husband found tam first, and signed up..then i asked him to sign me up also. he knows all my passwords because he set up my facebook, my myspace, my e-mail, like you, there all the same words.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
Excellent write-up! Honesty is paramount in a relationship.

When my youngest was small, I watched her every move on the internet. Somewhere between her sophomore and junior year in high school though, she learned to cold boot the system using a live CD and a minimal install of Windows or one of the many free Linux distributions. This in conjunction with piggy-backing on a neighbor's unsecured wireless network gave her complete privacy when she wanted it. There is no defense against that technique

At that point, I pretty much had to accept the fact that she was too sophisticated to snoop on and just hope I'd done a good job as a father.

Similarly, when my wife and I were first married, we were nineteen and twenty respectively and still in school. Thirty-five years later, we each have professional boundaries that would be illegal for the other to breach and either one of us could probably hide something untoward behind those walls if we wanted to

That personal and professional growth is something we've had to accept as we've aged. So I really appreciate your emphasis on the voluntary aspect of transparency.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,613 Posts
Temptations can befall ANYONE -look at the rate of infidelity, many who feel it could never happen to them- eat those words. We must be realistic, understanding human nature, even it's darker side
I don't claim to have a transparent marriage but I can see a lot of benefit from more open communication. So if I am seriously wrestling with temptation, how exactly would I bring this up and what kind of response should I expect? I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into the abyss trying to back off with all my strength
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,538 Posts
I don't claim to have a transparent marriage but I can see a lot of benefit from more open communication. So if I am seriously wrestling with temptation, how exactly would I bring this up and what kind of response should I expect? I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into the abyss trying to back off with all my strength
I would start by just coming right out with it. "We need to have a serious talk. I need to share something with you that's very important and has been heavy on my heart".

What kind of response would YOU have to what you need to say? That would give you a good idea what to expect from your spouse. News like this can go two ways... either it will be received and discussed rationally, or it will go bad and fast. If my husband came to me and told me he was considering an affair, I'd want to know why first and foremost, and then figure out with him how to make any adjustments or changes to prevent it. I would have to listen, really listen to him because I love him and don't want something like this to happen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
981 Posts
we each have professional boundaries that would be illegal for the other to breach and either one of us could probably hide something untoward behind those walls if we wanted to

That personal and professional growth is something we've had to accept as we've aged. So I really appreciate your emphasis on the voluntary aspect of transparency.
+1. It isn't within the gift of Mrs Beane or I to tell the other absolutely everything that either of us knows / does / has done. However, we are both aware that this is the case, so the playing field is level. The degree of transparency outwith this is such that I think we both spend time trying to send the message that even though there is a mechanism to hide stuff, neither of us uses it!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,948 Posts
Green Pearl, I absolutely love this - I am a meticulous researcher...when I first got a computer, it seemed everyone was into chat rooms (before FB)... that bored me to tears, I spent all my time researching whatever I had questions for -alot of that was health issues, religion, any darn thing I was interested in-this is when I discovered the JOY of forums and yakking about particular subjects, alot of learning there. And I am just like your husband --I simply must read reviews on Amazon or other review sites before I buy near anything, I want to make sure it is not Junk- I want the BEST, so I won't have to buy it again.

And how true to my nature.... when I met my boyfriend -had he been anyone else, he would have likely gotten irritated with me....cause I was so full of questions, I would send him notes asking how he felt about this, about that, cause I was basically RESEARCHING HIM!!!

I must admit I am happy I went about in this way, cause I knew that I knew that I knew what I was marrying when I walked down that aisle. And he knew what a feisty somewhat "out of the box" broad he signed up for too. He has never let me down. :)
Yes, you two are totally the same!

Salesladies are usually annoyed with him!

After I found out his shopping habits, I asked him if he did the same thing when we were dating and how he did it. He said, " Yes. Through conversation, that's how I got to know you!" I am glad that he did all this by talking to me, not other people! :)
 
1 - 20 of 60 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top