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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
That's what time it was Tuesday March 6, 2012 when I dropped the laptop on Regret214's lap as she lay fast asleep in our bed. Only 5 minutes or so prior I had used her laptop to check my emails cuz I had turned mine off. Something in my brain, for whatever reason said, "Scroll". So, I looked down just a couple lines in her gmail account before logging off to check mine and there it was...a receipt from a hotel about 30 miles away.

I was crushed. I was confused. I was hurt and angry and sad.

Her initial response as I jolted her awake was to try to cover. "It must be some kind of mistake," she said. What she didn't know is that I had also looked at her cell phone and saw the name of a guy she had texted. "A mistake? Then who is xxx?"

That was the day one year ago tonight (I know technically the date is tomorrow, but the day is what has always stuck with me). To think that a f'ng year has already gone by is astounding. That at times, I still feel like I was sucker gut punched and have also found myself a puddle on my couch...not being able to even stand up to take a shower or brush my teeth.

Most times, however, I am doing pretty well. Regret and I have enjoyed our communication and closeness that WE have deserved for so f'ng long. Our IC's & MC have all said that we've done good work in dealing with our reconciliation. But it ain't over. We all know there's a ways to go in dealing with the pain of betrayal and deception. Regret and I accept that and continue to talk openly and honestly about not only her affair, but any other part of our marriage and relationship.

I have my IC in about 2 hours. I'm usually a pretty upbeat guy. I'm the guy at the party who's always getting people to laugh. I want everyone to be in on the joke I'm telling.

I'm a little more somber right now.

That puddle on the couch.
 

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Hear you.

Triggers rip you apart and dates are the worst because they sit there and come up on you and without a lobotomy your mind goes through all the events and you relive it all over again.

Stay strong Dig. You have been a great help to a lot of Posters who come here and need help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
LOL...funny about the lobotomy. Regret asked me last night if there was anything she could do for me, cuz she could see my anxiety. I told her she could go grab my Dewalt drill....

I was joking.

Kinda.

But only cuz I have this semi-idetic memory thing. I can recall stuff to the minutiae from the earliest days of my life. I know smells, songs, people, places...dates and times. My friends never play Trivial Pursuit with me a second time. It helped me a ton as I learned every jet I'm type rated on cuz there was nothing I would forget once I heard it or read it.

Regret calls it a gift. A lot of times I call it a curse.

And I thank you for your kind words. It means a ton!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Tough to give a hypothetical based on this past year.

I guess I would imagine that I would be sitting on my couch much the same as I am this morning, except I would be in a small apartment and my kids wouldn't be here playing...my son with his R/C helicopter (yes, he's doing that before school) and my daughter who is 7 complaining that she doesn't have anything to match her skirt.

The reality is, and Regret and I did talk about this at length because we had to be prepared for what would happen if I couldn't continue with reconciliation, I wouldn't be able to afford our house on my commission salary. Not yet, at least. So, I would have gotten back into flying private jets.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
1st anniversary of Dday is always hard

turn it into something positive, make it mean something more
Gonna go cash this $1200 commission check and spend a couple bucks on dumb sh-t and a nice dinner.

Trying to make today more positive. That's the tough part/dichotomy.

I know what the date signifies. Making it positive may somehow make me feel like I'm denying reality.

Good stuff to bring up to my IC in an hour!!
 

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I know what the date signifies. Making it positive may somehow make me feel like I'm denying reality.
positive doesnt have to be denial

every Dday my wife and I do a "marital check up"

we talk about what we mean to each other, what we feel may be lacking, what we can do to improve our marriage and anything that we feel is an issue or wish to convey

we make this as a positive conversation and steer it so it doesn't become a moaning fest.
 

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Dig, you have been an amazing inspiration to me during my time here. I hate to see you down today but know that these days are inevitable. We all have them and those of us that were betrayed will probably always have them. Its a horrible punishment that none of us deserve but we cant change it.

Hope your day gets better! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Dig, Your answer to my question seems to confirm the right decision was made for you. Your story was the first I read here a year ago, and I have been rooting for you since. I'd tell you to be strong, but you already are.
I appreciate that. I said in a thread the other day where someone was talking about reconciliation and when you know you're reconciled. My honest answer was, the day I die knowing that Regret never repeated her horrible actions that got us to this point...that would be the day I could say we're fully reconciled.
 

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I appreciate that. I said in a thread the other day where someone was talking about reconciliation and when you know you're reconciled. My honest answer was, the day I die knowing that Regret never repeated her horrible actions that got us to this point...that would be the day I could say we're fully reconciled.
That's why Almostrecovered is named almostrecovered. He said he'll always be "almost" recovered.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Dig, you have been an amazing inspiration to me during my time here. I hate to see you down today but know that these days are inevitable. We all have them and those of us that were betrayed will probably always have them. Its a horrible punishment that none of us deserve but we cant change it.

Hope your day gets better! :)
Thank you. I hope it gets a little better too, and I'm sure it will.

Big issue/trigger for me is this: Regret is the union rep for her job. Last year on this very day she had a big negotiations meeting. They were at a standstill. She was supposed to be in that meeting til about 8pm or so. Obviously, even though she did have a union meeting, it only went til about 4'ish. She got home around 8:55.

Today...she has a union meeting regarding negotiations. Freezing their pay for 3 years while upping their insurance premiums 2% each year.

Regret said that no matter what the situation...no matter how intense...she will walk out of the meeting at 4:30pm.
 

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Thank you. I hope it gets a little better too, and I'm sure it will.

Big issue/trigger for me is this: Regret is the union rep for her job. Last year on this very day she had a big negotiations meeting. They were at a standstill. She was supposed to be in that meeting til about 8pm or so. Obviously, even though she did have a union meeting, it only went til about 4'ish. She got home around 8:55.

Today...she has a union meeting regarding negotiations. Freezing their pay for 3 years while upping their insurance premiums 2% each year.

Regret said that no matter what the situation...no matter how intense...she will walk out of the meeting at 4:30pm.
You are a lucky man in that your wife knows what you need from her and if she doesnt she will ask you. I think thats a blessing!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I make puddles during sex too
Eww.

You are a lucky man in that your wife knows what you need from her and if she doesnt she will ask you. I think thats a blessing!
I am lucky in an unlucky sort of way. I don't say that to demean your comment because I've said many times before - It sucks how we got to this point in our marriage, but I'm glad we're here now.
 

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Gonna go cash this $1200 commission check and spend a couple bucks on dumb sh-t and a nice dinner.

Trying to make today more positive. That's the tough part/dichotomy.

I know what the date signifies. Making it positive may somehow make me feel like I'm denying reality.

Good stuff to bring up to my IC in an hour!!
Dig, these are the types of things that you and all of us who have been involved with cheating, have to be pro-active about, IMO. I do allI can to reclaim everything I can. On the 1st anniversary of D-day, I went to a hotel and had my first (and only) MFF threesome with two hot 20-somethings I met at a bar. I have reclaimed the restaurant that Sweetie and her OM used to go to for their"lunch breaks". I actually gave some thought to buying the place and demolishing it, but that wouldn't be reclaiming it, would it?
Sweetie just told me that on the 1st Anniversary, she went to church and prayed for forgiveness. Makes what I did seem a little outre, but it was fun, nonetheless.:D
Point is, You and Regret need to reclaim the day. Make it into something that you and her will remember, and that will push those bad memories to the side. It ain't easy, but it can be done. Good Luck .
 
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