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No. That was a lie. I knew it was a lie. She said it to get control. I called her bluff and changed hotels anyway. Things get said in anger, but at least there was no violence.
Has there been violence before?

This is a strange bench-mark to accommodate what gets said in anger.
 

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She threatened divorce and even claimed she had an 'affair' arranged and would act on it
Whoa! That is messed up and very toxic.

I personally couldn’t think of many things worse than holidaying with another couple for that long, especially if I didn’t like them that much.

id be fine with having dinner with them a couple of times, maybe even a sightseeing day or two, but that’s it. Every waking moment of every day for two weeks? Omfg no way.
 

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IMO the only thing you did wrong was relenting in the first place. That said, you'd be wise to look into this a bit further...

She threatened divorce and even claimed she had an 'affair' arranged and would act on it.
Sorry, but that's in no way a normal response, and it's certainly not an acceptable one.
 

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I haven’t read all of the posts but for your first one. People like you and want to spend time with you...

I really don’t know what else to say, except something mean, so I’ll bit my tongue.
 

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Honestly, I am just looking for validation. :) sort of. Mostly, I just want her to be able to see things from an objective perspective. Obviously, at this point neither of us can be objective. I AM an arrogant prick who enjoys his own company. I do not like to be around controlling people. Her friend even offered me prescription opioids. She was being nice, since I have a bad back. But to me it was just another effort to control. Why is it so wrong to simply prefer some people to others?
Wonder if this lady is your wifes dealer? How much drugs has she given your wife?
 

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There is much truth in what you write. Yes, I want validation. I have written as much. I'm sorry you wrote this with a somewhat malicious tone, but that's YOUR issue.
Rowan is a true Southern lady and doesn't do malicious.

Because her post caused you discomfort, you might want to take a closer look at it. Try not to shoot from the hip.
 

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The other couple liked you and wanted to spend time with you. They are your wife's friends and it would make her happy to take a vacation together. The other couple is dull, unattractive and not intelligent enough for you to want to be around. Who knows the real truth as to how you ended up actually going with them. But you did. And instead of making the most of the situation in a reasonable way, such as doing activities and meals just the two of you, you threw an epic tantrum by checking into your own hotel. I can't even begin to imagine how embarrassing that would be for everyone. Going into your own hotel is a weapon you used to sabotage everyone's vacation and humiliate your wife. How do you feel now that you got the ultimate "win." She roped you into going, you showed her, by leaving her and making friends with your new hotel proprietor and having a marvelous time alone. No one gets one over on you that's for sure! That'll show 'em.

I was married to someone who didn't like to be around people. Every wedding I was a bridesmaid or a guest in, I went alone. Every social outing he would be "sick" or his "back hurt" and we'd leave early. He had panic attacks before our daughter's special days like recital or first day of school. At least he had an excuse of having an anxiety disorder, you are just a curmudgeon.

To answer your question, yes it's reasonable to take friends vacations together. No, it's not reasonable to spend every second together. Most people mix couples only time and friends time, like you could have done. But you didn't give anyone the chance because you left the group to be a curmudgeon after less than 3 days of a two week vacation.

From my perspective, it seems like you really couldn't bare your wife getting any kind of satisfaction from being surrounded by the people she loves. You had to blow up her vacation and make it all about you. Your feelings, your dislike of the people, your need for space. You really wanted to hammer home how much you disliked her friends, and you did. If you were as against this as you are, you wouldn't have gone. You wouldn't have paid for it. But, if you hadn't gone, you wouldn't have had the chance to nuke her vacation and make her look like a fool in front of her friends.

You mention her "threats" and "anger" as to what you forced you to go on vacation. Here are the cold hard facts. You went, which presupposes you agreed. You left after less than 3 days before she could prove to you that it would be a good vacation. If I were her, I would be mad as hell too. And I wouldn't threaten, I would actually file divorce papers upon arrival at home. So if she's keeping up her end of your marriage bargain with looks and sex, then if I were you I would let this go. And if she's as "angry" as you're painting her to be, then it would probably be for the best if you or she did leave the marriage.
 

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The other couple liked you and wanted to spend time with you. They are your wife's friends and it would make her happy to take a vacation together. The other couple is dull, unattractive and not intelligent enough for you to want to be around.
It strikes me as unusual that the friends like him and insist on his company despite how he feels about them. Many people are pretty perceptive to how others interact with them, so I do question whether OP is an exceptional actor around them, or whether his take on this dynamic is accurate.

I am still interested to know the answer to my previous question though if he is willing to answer.
 
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To answer your question, yes it's reasonable to take friends vacations together. No, it's not reasonable to spend every second together. Most people mix couples only time and friends time, like you could have done. But you didn't give anyone the chance because you left the group to be a curmudgeon after less than 3 days of a two week vacation.

From my perspective, it seems like you really couldn't bare your wife getting any kind of satisfaction from being surrounded by the people she loves. You had to blow up her vacation and make it all about you. Your feelings, your dislike of the people, your need for space. You really wanted to hammer home how much you disliked her friends, and you did. If you were as against this as you are, you wouldn't have gone. You wouldn't have paid for it. But, if you hadn't gone, you wouldn't have had the chance to nuke her vacation and make her look like a fool in front of her friends.
This is an interesting perspective and I have quoted just this part as you had me thinking (always dangerous!) ...and I reread the opening post and thought that another way this could have been dealt with could simply be to express to wife and friends that he wanted to have some meals just with his wife/time alone and then meet up at other times. Upon reflection, the moving to another hotel could be viewed as a bit explosive. And the wife saying she had an affair partner in the wings, well, I'm with majority here that it'd have me packing my bags and not looking back, however, IF that is something she said out of anger and without substance (which is still really poor form) it's also a communication that she wants out - or wants to push him out/away from her. And that beckons the question, why? And the behavior also indicates that she was doing what she could to not be alone with him. I find the dynamic odd and putting a judgement on it, unhealthy.
 
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The other couple liked you and wanted to spend time with you. They are your wife's friends and it would make her happy to take a vacation together. The other couple is dull, unattractive and not intelligent enough for you to want to be around. Who knows the real truth as to how you ended up actually going with them. But you did. And instead of making the most of the situation in a reasonable way, such as doing activities and meals just the two of you, you threw an epic tantrum by checking into your own hotel. I can't even begin to imagine how embarrassing that would be for everyone. Going into your own hotel is a weapon you used to sabotage everyone's vacation and humiliate your wife. How do you feel now that you got the ultimate "win." She roped you into going, you showed her, by leaving her and making friends with your new hotel proprietor and having a marvelous time alone. No one gets one over on you that's for sure! That'll show 'em.

I was married to someone who didn't like to be around people. Every wedding I was a bridesmaid or a guest in, I went alone. Every social outing he would be "sick" or his "back hurt" and we'd leave early. He had panic attacks before our daughter's special days like recital or first day of school. At least he had an excuse of having an anxiety disorder, you are just a curmudgeon.

To answer your question, yes it's reasonable to take friends vacations together. No, it's not reasonable to spend every second together. Most people mix couples only time and friends time, like you could have done. But you didn't give anyone the chance because you left the group to be a curmudgeon after less than 3 days of a two week vacation.

From my perspective, it seems like you really couldn't bare your wife getting any kind of satisfaction from being surrounded by the people she loves. You had to blow up her vacation and make it all about you. Your feelings, your dislike of the people, your need for space. You really wanted to hammer home how much you disliked her friends, and you did. If you were as against this as you are, you wouldn't have gone. You wouldn't have paid for it. But, if you hadn't gone, you wouldn't have had the chance to nuke her vacation and make her look like a fool in front of her friends.

You mention her "threats" and "anger" as to what you forced you to go on vacation. Here are the cold hard facts. You went, which presupposes you agreed. You left after less than 3 days before she could prove to you that it would be a good vacation. If I were her, I would be mad as hell too. And I wouldn't threaten, I would actually file divorce papers upon arrival at home. So if she's keeping up her end of your marriage bargain with looks and sex, then if I were you I would let this go. And if she's as "angry" as you're painting her to be, then it would probably be for the best if you or she did leave the marriage.
Did you read the opening post?

They talked about it when the vacation was in planning stages. He let her know he wasn't interested in taking a two week vacation with these particular people. Instead, that was ignored and they booked themselves into the small B and B OP and his wife were staying at. The 4 of them were the only guests. It was expected to eat all 3 meals together, every day. Talk about being blindsided!!!!

And no, it's not reasonable to be sneakily forced into taking a 2 week vacation together in a small B and B with people you have told your wife you completely aren't interested in vacationing with.
 

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Thanks! That is exactly how I feel. This is pretty much the only issue we still have. She likes everyone, me not so much. She has a high tolerance for boring people who talk too much. She visits an elderly, lonely neighbor once or twice a week. I respect her for that, particularly because this lady is a 'know-it-all' who talks, but does not listen. My wife is a wonderful listener and does not expect me to join her. She wants me to love all her friends. I don't even want to try.
How is the vacation / incompatible social preferences pretty much the only issue you still have.

She doesn't like you very much, yet wants you to love all her friends? I really don't understand the dynamic you share.
 

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Did you read the opening post?

They talked about it when the vacation was in planning stages. He let her know he wasn't interested in taking a two week vacation with these particular people. Instead, that was ignored and they booked themselves into the small B and B OP and his wife were staying at. The 4 of them were the only guests. It was expected to eat all 3 meals together, every day. Talk about being blindsided!!!!

And no, it's not reasonable to be sneakily forced into taking a 2 week vacation together in a small B and B with people you have told your wife you completely aren't interested in vacationing with.
I get where you and majority are coming from, as I read it that way too.

However, I do appreciate considering a potential flip-side perspective to the scenario presented.
 

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Is it even close to reasonable to expect a spouse to go on a two week vacation with a spouse's friends?
We had EVERY meal together every day until about day 3 when her friend insisted on our nonstop talking hostess join us for breakfast and dinner.
I owe this guy an apology. I got this whole thing wrong. read it too fast. I F'ed up!

No it's not reasonable. And the thing w/ the hostess, I don't blame you at all. that's over the top. No man should have to endure the chatty hostess.. Im surprised you didnt book a flight home.
 

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Did you read the opening post?

They talked about it when the vacation was in planning stages. He let her know he wasn't interested in taking a two week vacation with these particular people. Instead, that was ignored and they booked themselves into the small B and B OP and his wife were staying at. The 4 of them were the only guests. It was expected to eat all 3 meals together, every day. Talk about being blindsided!!!!

And no, it's not reasonable to be sneakily forced into taking a 2 week vacation together in a small B and B with people you have told your wife you completely aren't interested in vacationing with.

Of course I read the opening post. If he wasn't interested, why did he go. And, it was definitely not expected that they were going to eat all three meals together, that's what he said happened for the first 2.5 days before he booked his own hotel. He didn't give them/her the chance to do their own thing because he went and did his own thing and had a marvelous time. He did know the other couple was coming right? Why didn't he suggest doing couples-only activities or meals. Why did he just go with the flow then bail? He left her to be third wheel with the other couple. He is the one who did the blindside not her.

They had been planning, they were communicating, they came to some sort of agreement where he ended up with them on the vacation, that suggests that he was ok taking a vacation with them. If he hates them so much, why did he get on the plane? Unless she flat out tricked him into saying they weren't going to be there, it doesn't make sense why wouldn't discuss and continue to plan the activities while they were there. Heck, just take the wife and say "we're going to the coral reef today." and done. Instead he left her.

I have gone on vacations without my husband when I was married because he refused to go. He refused to go to a big family destination wedding that hurt the feelings of the bride and groom. I've been left at events, I've had to leave early, I've had to make excuses for him not being there. It's not fun at all. During that time I would have loved to have a husband who would come on a vacation and just have fun. I know how it feels to walk on eggshells. The OP and his wife were there, on a vacation, and by booking his own hotel it created a bad atmosphere. He shouldn't have done that. I view it as sort of a punishment he gave her.
 

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I get where you and majority are coming from, as I read it that way too.

However, I do appreciate considering a potential flip-side perspective to the scenario presented.

He has presented a scenario in which everyone around him is an enemy. He's strategically "fighting" with his wife, and her back at him. It seems very combative and not relaxing and not fun, which a vacation should be. He said he was a trial lawyer, this seems like one of his cases or something, like he couldn't let the other couple or his wife win. It's a very strange situation.
 
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