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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Years ago, my wife and I were in a $1 store and I picked up a flashlight. She said, "why are you getting that?" me: Because I want it. she: "You already have at least one or two at home, why do you need another one?" me: I just want it. We argued for a few minutes until I put it back.

Over the next week or two I wished I'd bought it (1 in the car, one in her car, one in this and that room). So next time we went to the store I picked it up and she said, "are you going to buy that?" me: Yes. "I thought we already talked about it!" me: "Yes, then when we got home i wished i'd bought it." More argument but I bought it anyway.


Years later, we have almost the identical argument over a few $1 shower curtains I was buying. What is going through a woman's mind about something like this that she feels she must argue with me over a $1 item? (or $5 with five, $1 shower curtains?)
 

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I agree w/ you, unless you are a hoarder.

There can be constructive conversations about "Don't you like our present shower curtains?" but it seems ridiculous to get heated over such a paltry expenditure.

I could guess as to why she chose to argue about it, but you should just say something like "It's worth it to me, and we can afford it. Why does it matter to you so much?"
 

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I'd buy 20 just to prove a point. It's the effing dollar store!!!!! As SpinyNorman said above, unless you're a hoarder I don't see the issue. I have a feeling there's other underlying issues here. Why is she treating you like a small child who needs mommy's approval for a toy?
 

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Wife and I have a category in our monthly budget called, "blow money." We each get an equal amount and it is ours to do with as we please. If we want to set fire to it, the other has no say about it. Saves us from having useless arguments like this.
 

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You can never have enough flashlights...And the older you get the more this applies ...😂

Anyway, here is the thing (in my experience, not everyone is on the same page)....

I wouldn't get into relationships so that someone can control what I spend.. I've never been with anyone that makes close to what I can and have, and I have always been a sharp money person, so tough titties..In fact, on several occasions, had I listened to others when I wanted to invest, buy, whatever, it would have backfired and thank God I did my way...Particularly petty shyt like this...I don't ask for permission to spend like a lot of guys do, either....I wouldn't be able to live with someone that was that controlling....What's the point of that? Go out and break your ass every day so that some woman can b!tch about a dollar store flashlight?? Think about that for a minute and let that sink in...FOH with that....

Of course, your mileage may vary, and I get that there is middle ground between someone like me, and the guy who get's an "allowance" from his wife every week from his own effing paycheck(🙄)....Maybe you should have bought an additional flashlight for every time she said something about it....
 

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My first hope would be that she realize a dollar is a ridiculous thing to argue about, and if she does, don't rub her nose in it. Be gracious when someone admits a mistake.

Failing that, I'd point out I didn't need Mommy's permission to spend a whole dollar when I was 12 and sure as hell wasn't about to start asking for it now. Then I'd buy two.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I agree w/ you, unless you are a hoarder.

There can be constructive conversations about "Don't you like our present shower curtains?" but it seems ridiculous to get heated over such a paltry expenditure.

I could guess as to why she chose to argue about it, but you should just say something like "It's worth it to me, and we can afford it. Why does it matter to you so much?"
The first time I was so confused, I didn't know what to say. The 2nd time (flashlight) I realized she wasn't having an "off" day the 1st time.

The shower curtains (and many other arguments between those years) confirmed my belief she wants to be in control, but I'm still puzzled if that is the root of it all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'd buy 20 just to prove a point. It's the effing dollar store!!!!! As SpinyNorman said above, unless you're a hoarder I don't see the issue. I have a feeling there's other underlying issues here. Why is she treating you like a small child who needs mommy's approval for a toy?
That is what I haven't figured out after 12 years! We still argue about low cost items (she use to get on my case about not turning out the lights .... which she forgets all the time too!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You can never have enough flashlights...And the older you get the more this applies ...😂

Anyway, here is the thing (in my experience, not everyone is on the same page)....

I wouldn't get into relationships so that someone can control what I spend.. I've never been with anyone that makes close to what I can and have, and I have always been a sharp money person, so tough titties..In fact, on several occasions, had I listened to others when I wanted to invest, buy, whatever, it would have backfired and thank God I did my way...Particularly petty shyt like this...I don't ask for permission to spend like a lot of guys do, either....I wouldn't be able to live with someone that was that controlling....What's the point of that? Go out and break your ass every day so that some woman can b!tch about a dollar store flashlight?? Think about that for a minute and let that sink in...FOH with that....

Of course, your mileage may vary, and I get that there is middle ground between someone like me, and the guy who get's an "allowance" from his wife every week from his own effing paycheck(🙄)....Maybe you should have bought an additional flashlight for every time she said something about it....
I prefer to keep the peace but that hasn't worked out either. I get grief over other things. We have young kids so trying to get along.

Curious, if it is a short answer, what have you done as a smart money person? Entrepreneur, investor, both?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
My first hope would be that she realize a dollar is a ridiculous thing to argue about, and if she does, don't rub her nose in it. Be gracious when someone admits a mistake.

Failing that, I'd point out I didn't need Mommy's permission to spend a whole dollar when I was 12 and sure as hell wasn't about to start asking for it now. Then I'd buy two.
Yup, I think most guys would. I wonder sometimes if that is when/where I messed up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Y’all missed the point. It’s just a $hit test. Putting the flashlight back is a fail. Getting the flashlight and then giving her a good reason why you got the flashlight then walking up to her and grabbing a hand full of her butt is a win.
It’s not actually about the flashlight.....or the curtains....
I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!
 

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I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!
Now your catching on. Never react to the words that come out a woman’s mouth. The key is to understand WHY those words are coming out her mouth.
 

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Great idea!
You might want to learn about Dave Ramsey's methods for financial independence. Money is the number one cause of divorce in the US.

daveramesy.com -&nbspdaveramesy Resources and Information.

There's a lot of free information there including links to his podcasts. (If you decide to listen, don't waste your time with his guests, like his daughter. They're just cashing in on his popularity. Dave's advice is what you want to follow.)
 

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I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!
And yet you complied (the first time).

Married is correct, it is a test of your leadership/balance of power in the relationship, possibly subconscious. She may not be fully aware of what she’s doing or why.

And why would grabbing her butt be a problem in her case?
 

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The point really being, is if one is buying a flashlight and wants to be realistic having faith it will work when needed;

spend more than a dollar and get a good one.

Obviously ignoring any grief about buying the durn thing.

Grabbing her butt is just good advice, no reason needed. I forget who suggested that.
 

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I think you may be on to something, but in her case, I don't think grabbing her butt would be the answer. But yeah, it couldn't be just the flashlight, something in the deep recesses of her brain trigger it. Who in their right mind would tell their spouse (especially a man who generally is considered the head of the household), to put back a $1 item? And then to get into a heated argument over it!!
The spouse who has done the same in the past and it's worked. I'm guessing it wasn't the first time you acquiesced to her whims and she saw that and went with it. You've trained her to be able to do this to you.

Oh, and peacekeeping. That doesn't work. Never will. The peace will always break over something. It's a fool's errand to try and keep the peace. Knock that off.
 
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