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Discussion Starter #81
Your thinking sounds like something out of the 1950's. My education cost the same as my male counterparts, I work probably harder, so you are telling me because a man has more testosterone he ought to be paid more? I am not asking for more, I am asking for equal pay.

Then file an EEOC complaint and/or higher a lawyer. If you know they are making more than the discrimination will come out in the discovery process.



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Then file an EEOC complaint and/or higher a lawyer. If you know they are making more than the discrimination will come out in the discovery process.
To be fair, she was replying to things I did not actually write. So what she was replying to sounds horrendous.
 

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Yes, I'm sorry, too. Hopefully, you'll find someone who is more attentive and "in tune" with what's important to you.
 

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I think there is a huge influence in media (in the US anyway). Men in relationships are portrayed as buffoons, idiots, lazy, whiny *****es who can't accomplish anything for themselves, esecially if they are straight/white/Christian. It's no wonder the women believe that they have to be a mother to their man/child.

My W and I worked hard to teach our son to be self-sufficient. One day his future wife will thank us.
 

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GP, somewhere near your wants (maybe not there yet...but near) is 'high maintenance'.

Please understand this is only my perspective when I say this to you. I think it important because I am generally the take charge person in my relationship in most things.

I have little tolerance for high maintenance. When my wife drifts into that area, I will normally make things happen for her.

When she plants herself firmly with both feet in the high maintenance zone, I normally find something better to do.

Again, you may not actually be there yet...but you are near it. YMMV.

As for the tickets...who wouldn't want to go to Miami? I don't understand that at all, unless it is related to money.

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Anddd my boyfriend and I broke up. He didn’t give me a choice.
I read this after my last post to you.

I'm sorry for your break up...and my lousy timing.

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I think there is a huge influence in media (in the US anyway). Men in relationships are portrayed as buffoons, idiots, lazy, whiny *****es who can't accomplish anything for themselves, esecially if they are straight/white/Christian. It's no wonder the women believe that they have to be a mother to their man/child.

My W and I worked hard to teach our son to be self-sufficient. One day his future wife will thank us.
It is a huge problem.

Then, both men and women play along with it.

So, women who end up with bums end up thinking it is normal.

The dirty secret is that most men are perfectly capable of housework, most do their share etc.
 

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Both men and women should own their behaviors and be committed to working on the things that erode the strength of a relationship.
It saddens me to see my wife failing to work on anything, save her upping the hours she spends on Netflix.
And nap-time.
It pains so much because we have a daughter.
So I feel alone
in marriage.
But in order to avoid trauma for the daughter (own parents divorced when young)
holding on
trying not to hold onto resentment

while Wife snores away
 

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Discussion Starter #93
I think part of the resentment comes from the statement “well I’ve always been like this” or “you just have to accept me for who I am”

OK but let’s be honest... everyone spends emotional capital hiding or downplaying their baggage when dating and it applies to both sexes. And it’s incredibly dishonest to make efforts to hide it and then once married say “we’ll that’s how I am and always have been.” Dating... blowjobs all the time... get married...that’s disgusting and I only did it because we were dating. How could you not be a little resentful? My wife hid the emotional dumpster fire that her family was and I have just have to accept that last how she is but have to address issues from my past.

Let’s be honest if a guy hid a porn addiction he can’t later say “well you have to accept I like porn.” Same for “audition sex” knowing that she has sex issues from my her past and even broke up with other guys because of them.

My point is it’s much more acceptable for a woman to hide things during courtship and say “that’s how I am” than it is for a man. She’s not expected to address that stuff but he is.


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I think there is a huge influence in media (in the US anyway). Men in relationships are portrayed as buffoons, idiots, lazy, whiny *****es who can't accomplish anything for themselves, esecially if they are straight/white/Christian. It's no wonder the women believe that they have to be a mother to their man/child.

My W and I worked hard to teach our son to be self-sufficient. One day his future wife will thank us.
I agree with this and it has an impact on boys growing up too. If you have read Bringing Up Boys by Dr James Dobson, he addresses some of these issues and the impacts.
I read this when my boy was little in an effort to ensure he was himself. However, it was my husband who thwarted me in many ways, my boy was very sensitive and it would make my husband angry when he cried.
So I wonder who is right and who is wrong. I do not like children to be snowflakes, the world is definitely harsh and it is our job to ensure they are ready for it. To me there is nothing stronger than a man who cries, shows his emotion and then moves on. My husband appears to be tough, or pretends to be but is actually very weak emotionally.
 

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I think there is a huge influence in media (in the US anyway). Men in relationships are portrayed as buffoons, idiots, lazy, whiny *****es who can't accomplish anything for themselves, esecially if they are straight/white/Christian. It's no wonder the women believe that they have to be a mother to their man/child.

My W and I worked hard to teach our son to be self-sufficient. One day his future wife will thank us.
I do remember being a kid in the UK in the 1980s. There was a huge effort to stop boys thinking they were cleverer than girls, and let the girls know that they were bright too.

Unfortuntely, this was aimed at the wrong generation as we did not have this prejudice in the first place. It results in lots of kids just thinking girls were brighter than boys and probably rather damaging for sensitive boys.
 

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I do remember being a kid in the UK in the 1980s. There was a huge effort to stop boys thinking they were cleverer than girls, and let the girls know that they were bright too.

Unfortuntely, this was aimed at the wrong generation as we did not have this prejudice in the first place. It results in lots of kids just thinking girls were brighter than boys and probably rather damaging for sensitive boys.
I'll say this it is still the parents who, alter the stigmatism of society. Can change them against what is said in anytime that they are in. Regardless if they believe that they we're living a good life.
 

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Another thing I noticed... is that some men are attracted to a certain type of women that I can spot a mile away that they are high maintenance, no work ethic, and have a certain expectation. Then they are surprised when their lives turn into what it does.

And I don’t think there is anything wrong with women like this. And to be honest I think they make it clear how they want it to be. Some women just want to be a trophy wife and it can work out really well for the family. Some women are of cultures where women don’t work, and that’s a mans job. The problem is when a man wants the trophy wife type of wife, then have an expectation that she is going to work hard outside the home, maintain the home and kids, while looking like models.
The real problem ( excuse me being crude) is that two heads are making the decisions in choosing a wife. The little head wants the sexy beauty, high maintenance etc, whereas the big head wants the hard worker, home organiser, etc. Therein lies the conflict. That is why arranged marriages in the olden days worked 😅 only one head was involved.
 

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Maybe you just married the wrong woman, OP. I do believe that there are double standards definitely, but the laundry list in your first post sounds like your wife blatantly disrespects you. Instead of broad brushing it as ''all or most women are like this after marriage,'' maybe start asking your wife to reflect on her actions, and how they affect you. We teach people how to treat us. Your wife might need a refresher course. ;)
 

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Of course it exists. There's still a sense of "the husband should take care of his wife" or "happy wife, happy life" in some circles. As long as that exists, you'll always have the double-standard where he gas to strive but she can coast along.
 

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I am seeing a lot of different definitions of "emotional labor". And I think it's a bit of misnomer. It's not quite emotional, but instead, that being non-stop planning, negotiating, and scheduling. Sure my ex would clean up. But only when asked and often he "forgot" and needed to be reminded. This of course was interpreted as nagging. But it was a setup. I learned asking nicely and then letting him get to it in his time, meant that it never got done. In fact, my only behavior that was rewarded was getting angry with him. And quite frankly it was exhausting. I was so tired. I am sure he felt like I was never going to consider him "enough." And to be honest, it was because he wasn't.

Because yeah, he might have taken out the trash...when I asked him...5 times.. as the trash is overflowing and I am cleaning the kitchen while he reads his comics. Yeah, I think I worked harder than him.
 
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